It's Been Raining
by youandmeotp
Summary: PERMANENT HIATUS (although I love this fic dearly) - Chloe needs Beca to make the first move before she can admit her feelings for her. Unfortunately, Beca is too preoccupied with her boyfriend and her new job to realize that what she needs is right in front of her. [Disclaimer: I do not own Pitch Perfect.]
1. I Can't Stay Mad

**A/N: Well here is the first installment of this fic. Following PP2 canon-ish, it's a bit angsty at first so bear with me** **This chapter is told from Chloe's POV.**

What was that feeling I got when Beca accidentally complimented Kommissar? It was the day of the car show, and I had been psyched up to give them a little trash talk. But then Beca came face to face with the lead singer of the group, and I could tell how awestruck she was. This really threw me off guard. It was a little secret that I'd had for a while now that I want to be more than friends with Beca, and I'd never confessed it to anyone. I'd spent the past three years building my friendship with her, even though we were really fast friends since the beginning. I kicked myself every time I let an opportunity to tell her slip by, but I could never make a move.

"You are…physically flawless," Beca said accusatorily and I wrinkled my eyebrows. The Kommissar took the comment in stride, like she'd heard it many times before. I stood by, trying desperately to identify what it was I was feeling, numb to the scene before me save for a few times I uttered some stupid sounding threats.

Was it shame? As the leader of the Bellas for the past three years, it was hard to believe that a member of our group would act out in such a brash and revealing way, and to our competition as well. I was embarrassed for Beca's sake and for the sake of the group, but no, that wasn't the feeling that made my stomach drop to my feet.

Was it pity? Beca was my closest friend at Barden, and I'd never seen someone get to her the way that Kommissar had in that moment. I felt bad for the girl, trying to ease her humiliation by commiserating with her. But no, that wasn't the feeling that made my mouth go dry.

Was it anger? That seemed to be the most on target so far. I felt threatened by the way that this German girl we just met already had my best friend wrapped around her finger. It made me want to lash out, to beat her and Das Sound Machine into the ground. But no, that wasn't the feeling that made my muscles go weak.

I led the group out of the building in fashion, fists clenched by my sides, and that's when I realized. The feeling was jealousy. Pure, green, unadulterated jealousy. I was jealous of Beca, for getting more attention than me from DSM, but even more so, I was jealous of Kommissar. I was jealous of the fact that she, this intimidatingly tall German woman that we _just met_ , was receiving more attention from Beca now than I had in the past month.

That was another thing that bothered me. As my friend's senior year began, she suddenly seemed a lot more distant. Once the Bellas found our sound, Beca had always been eager to arrange sets and just spend time with us all. But this September, she was gone all the time, and only had a minute for a few rushed words with me. I felt…alienated, I guess. I couldn't imagine what better things she could be doing with her days than helping to save our a capella group.

All I wanted was to talk to her. I thought maybe a little heart to heart after seeing today's show would get us on the same page, but now I couldn't deal with talking to anyone. I needed to sort my thoughts out, because I was afraid that if I talked now, I would say something I would regret.

Fat Amy caught up with me, asking, "Hey, Chloe, y'alright? You seemed a little tense back there."

"No kidding," I snapped, then relented. "Sorry. Just got a lot on the brain right now, with DSM and all."

I must've had some look on my face that showed I really wasn't in the mood for chit chat, because Fat Amy smiled understandingly, nodded, and fell back to walk with Stacie and Lilly. That left me at the front of the pack, leading by myself. I'd never felt like that before. I'd always had Beca by my side, and before that, Aubrey. Why did I feel like now I was the only one 100% committed?

I glanced back to make sure everyone was there, trying not to look too long at Beca, who was trailing behind the group, staring intently down at her phone. A strand of brown hair was hanging down over her eye. I sighed, knowing that she would usually let me be the one to brush it behind her ear so I could see her piercing blue eyes again. Just thinking about that kind of physical contact, the little, everyday kind, made my heart beat a little faster. That was a novelty for me. Recently Beca hadn't even had time to sit next to me.

I unlocked the Bella bus with a huff, and Fat Amy took her seat at the wheel, as I took my usual seat by the front right window. We had a full bus, as usual, but with my aura of leave-me-alone, everyone else chose seats away from my own. That meant, with Beca bringing up the tail end of the group, she was left with zero degrees of freedom. She glanced around the bus, as if she was hoping another seat somewhere else would appear, but it didn't. So she plopped down beside me, not looking me in the eye.

Realizing I'd been holding my breath since she boarded the bus, I exhaled loudly, which made the situation even more awkward. Beca glanced up at me sideways through her wall of hair, but looked back down at her phone again before I could react.

I tried to look out the window, hum a song to myself, or twiddle my thumbs to distract myself from her. But I just kept looking back. I was captivated by her, Beca Mitchell, just like I had been for the past three years. I wish she didn't ignore me. _Notice me, Beca,_ I begged silently. _I will be here for you forever if you just say the word._ But there was no response.

A few minutes later, Beca did look up at me, that darn strand of hair still in her eyes. I took a risk and brushed it away. I couldn't hold back a smile when her black-framed eyes sparkled like they used to, and she mischievously handed me an earbud (she didn't carry her Beats with her unless she had somewhere safe to put them). I accepted, and allowed the melancholy rhythm of Beca's latest mix to sweep me away.

I caught a few approving glances from Fat Amy and the rest of the crew, as if they, too, sensed some relief of tension between the two of us. That made me happy.

We rolled back up to the Bella house and all the girls piled out. I was last, to lock up the bus and make sure everything was in its place, but Beca hung back beside me. Only when everyone had already gone inside did she say, "Sorry about today, Chlo. I didn't mean to embarrass you or whatever. Kommissar just got to me. I don't know why it happened."

Beca leaned against the side of the bus, her palm placed against the window. I knew I couldn't hold a grudge against her. I placed my hand over hers and squeezed it. "It's okay, it's fine, really. We all have days like those."

She shook her head. "You don't," she replied. "You're always calm, composed, classic Chloe. How do you do it?"

I spun her around, and, still holding her hand loosely like a friend would, walked her back to the front door. "Have you seen me lately? I've been a mess with all this Bella-suspension drama. I keep it together for the girls, but inside I'm falling apart. This is my seventh year here, you think I'd have figured it out, huh."

Beca didn't respond. We'd made it up onto the porch, and she took my other hand gently so we stood facing each other. The petite woman looked up, and I looked down to meet her gaze. She smiled sadly, and I wondered what was on her mind. I wanted to ask, but I wanted to do something else more.

I could never bring myself to do it, though, and I know it. Kiss her, I mean. Which is why it was such a surprise when Beca leaned in towards me. Were her eyes really on my lips, or was it just my imagination? Her hands were both on my shoulders now, and somehow mine found their way to her waist. I didn't rush to lean into her as well, but I didn't stop the distance between our mouths decreasing until we were only inches apart.

But then Beca surprised me again, dodging off to the right and pulling me into a brief, terse hug. "Well, thanks for a good night, Red. See ya."

She disappeared into the house, seemingly forgetting that I lived there too. I slumped back against a pillar and put my head in my hands. So close, yet so far. Why did she make me feel this way? I wasn't used to it, I wasn't comfortable with it, and yet it was all I dreamed about. With a groan, I too entered the house and went straight up into my bedroom.


	2. Late to Bed, Early to Rise

**A/N: Wow people are actually following this. Thank you all so much, I hope you like this next bit, Beca's POV.**

I heard Chloe slam her bedroom door. Well, not quite slam, but shut with a little more force than usual. I didn't blame her; I'd done the same thing, which caused Fat Amy to jump up from her sleeping position. "Goddamn this house," I cursed, hopping onto my bed with my laptop. "I can never be alone."

I pulled up my latest mix of Sia's "Elastic Heart" and...I don't even know what I'm mixing it with anymore. Today messed up my music-brain. I'd had it all set up before, with another song that I thought would blend beautifully. But before we went to the show today, I'd deleted all that. It wasn't the emotion I wanted to convey, I decided. I just couldn't put my finger on what seemed off about it.

It was, well, weird today. Weird stuff went down. When I met Kommissar for the first time, my mind just went blank. Seeing her move onstage, however much of a strange turn on that might've been, was nothing compared to seeing her up close. Her hair was so pristinely pulled back, her skin without a mark on it, her eyebrows thick and dark but perfectly shaped to accentuate her beautiful blue eyes. Her body had curves in all the right places, and she towered over me in those high heels, just how I liked it. She was alluring, mysterious, and I couldn't deny it. I'd never felt a woman give me such a rush before. Why was she different?

Anyway, before that - I'm such a scatterbrain - I had Chloe on my mind. Since I'd started my new internship, the hell that was, I hadn't had much time for the Bellas. I'll admit that I've always found it difficult to juggle priorities; I often skipped class for Bellas rehearsals, or just to stay in bed sometimes, and now I took on a job in our most intense aca-season? I seemed to have bitten off more than I could chew. So I wanted to do something nice for Chloe to show her my heart was still in it. That's why I picked "Elastic Heart," I knew it was one of her absolute favorite songs.

When I complimented Kommissar, I could feel Chloe tense up next to me. It was super weird, like the rest of today's events. Her warm, citrus-scented air surrounded me one second, and then all of a sudden, it went cold. I wish I could've seen her face right then, because what I could sense of her reaction was pretty scary. I had never known Chloe to have any concept of personal space, so to have her very air withdraw from around me was definitely abnormal.

I'd planned to show her my new mix after the show, but things were awkward between us after that, and besides that, I'd deleted all of it before we left to see the show. Chloe Beale was my best friend, and for once I wanted to do something nice for her. I wanted it to be perfect, because she always puts so much effort into everything she does. I ended up having her listen to my most recent completed mix instead, because I knew she'd enjoy sharing headphones with me. She always enjoys that kind of closeness.

And then the porch happened. What even was that? I let her get so close to me. I never let people in like that. And there she was, inches away from my face like the night of the initiation party. Except...was I doing the initiating this time? Did I move toward her? It had only occurred five minutes ago, and yet I couldn't even remember. It was so not like me to get caught up in the moment.

With two girls on my mind - girls, for goodness sakes - I knew I wouldn't get much sleep that night. Instead I curled up in the corner of my bed and let some music wash over me, hoping that maybe something would inspire me to make a mix for Chloe. Such a good friend.

I woke up the next morning by the sun rudely yelling in my face. I was still scrunched up in the same position I had been when I gave up on my mix. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, and forced a few fingers through my signature morning bedhead. I didn't _really_ want to get out of bed, but I smelled waffles. Mmm…waffles. Ideal.

So I rolled onto the floor and slipped on the first sweatshirt that I found under my bed. I didn't bother to look in the mirror before going downstairs – these girls have no doubt seen me look much more tragic.

As I trudged toward the kitchen, I realized that there was a lack of the usual Bella buzz that normally fills the house when I wake up. _Dammit,_ I thought, _it must still be early in the morning. It's a Saturday, I should not be up._ I arrived at the counter and sat down on one of the stools. The only other person there was Chloe.

"Morning!" she chirped cheerily. I peeked at the clock: 8:07. She'd probably been up for at least two hours, the crazy bird. But you'd think there would be someone else awake by now…

"Hey," I murmured. "Those waffles?" I leaned over the counter eagerly to see what she had in store.

"They are indeed! I have plain, chocolate chip, and blueberry," she replied, whisking some berries into a bowl of batter.

"Did you know that I _love_ waffles? They are, like, my spirit animal or something."

Chloe smiled. "I did actually know that. In fact, I think you say that every time you come downstairs smelling waffles, but you're always so tired that you never remember telling us."

"Oh," I responded. "Well. I'll remember next time."

She turned around, hearing the beep of the waffle iron, and said, "You said that last time." I could still hear the smile in her voice. _So cute…What?_ I snapped myself out of it. What had I just been thinking?

I became aware of the fact that Chloe was saying something. "It's okay to think your best friend's cute, you know," she continued, but I, having missed the context, was caught off guard.

"I'm sorry, what were you saying?" I blurted absentmindedly.

Chloe raised an eyebrow. "I was talking about Aubrey and her new boyfriend – or boy friend, or whatever," she explained. "The two of them work together, and they got really super close, but like, bros, you know. And now she's starting to think of him as more. But like, it's not wrong to have an attractive friend and want them to be just that: a friend. Or, it can be kind of blurry. There's no need to label a relationship."

"Mhmm…" I'd kind of drifted off again. Well, she hadn't been reading my mind. But what she was saying did speak to me. I'm sure lots of girls thought their best friend was cute, right? _Right, Beca, right,_ the voice in my head said back. Suuuper reassuring.

Chloe trailed off as well, shuffling in her seal slippers over to the cabinet. She got out a stack of plates, then took the top two for us. "Which kind is your favorite?" She gestured at all the luscious golden brown waffles in stacks between us.

"They're all my favorite," I confessed, and she dished up one of each on both plates. "Mmm…" I said. "These are delicious!"

The ginger plopped down on the stool next to me and shoveled a piece of all three waffles together into her mouth. "Thanks. So," Chloe mumbled while chewing, "I wanted to talk to you. You're good at listening. Well, usually," she said, referring to me floating off into la-la land a minute ago.

"Hit me," I prompted her, although inside my stomach was churning, and it wasn't because I was looking forward to the waffles so much.

"Well, I'm having this personal problem. And I'm really trying not to let it get in the way of everything that's going on right now – Das Sound Machine is worrying enough. But there's this person who I really like, as a friend. And now I'm thinking maybe it's more than that? I don't know, it sounds stupid…I just have no way of knowing, though, and it's driving me crazy."

I nod, beckoning her to go on, as I snatch the syrup bottle I'd forgotten from across the counter. I pour a violent stream across the top waffle, because it's the best when it soaks down through all of them and there's still some that gets down to the plate to mop up.

"Oh, I don't really have anything else to say, but do you have any advice? You're good at advice." Round, blue eyes caught mine and help them there.

"Kiss 'em. Kiss 'em right on the mouth. That way you'll know," I joked.

Chloe looked at me for half a second too long, and then suddenly _I_ knew. Before I knew it, her face was mere inches from mine, like it had been last night, but this time, the distance closed more. And then, well, there was no distance. Her lips were on mine. Whoa there. Whoa. I couldn't even register the feeling enough to react, I just knew it was happening. And after maybe two seconds, it was over.

"Like that?" Chloe asked.

I nodded vigorously. "Yeah. Uh-huh. Just like that."


	3. A Walk

**A/N:** **We're back to Chloe. Yeet.**

"Yeah. Uh-huh. Just like that," Beca stammered. I immediately second guessed everything I'd ever done. This, I thought, THIS was why I never made a move. It was all wrong.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry," I immediately backtracked like crazy. I pulled away and stood up, knocking the stool off balance. Beca's mouth was slightly agape, and her eyes were frozen in place, having lost their cheeky twinkle from before. I realized, just a few seconds too late, that she must've been joking. Either that or she hadn't picked up any of the signs that I had been talking about her. But she couldn't possibly be that blind, could she? I'd been dropping hints practically since the day I met her.

I pushed my stool back and made a beeline for the front door. "I messed up, it's all my fault," I continued apologizing over my shoulder. "I'm so sorry!" I didn't care if I was barefoot and only wearing a giant slouchy t-shirt, I had to get away.

"You forgot your waffles!" I heard Beca cry. _Dammit_ , I thought, _those were actually pretty good waffles._ But I wasn't going back. That would ruin my dramatic exit. Beca would enjoy them more than me. They were for her anyway.

As much as I wanted to, I didn't look back as I closed the door. It gave me a pang to pass over the stupid doorstep where we'd had our moment last night. I guess I read that moment entirely wrong. I would still swear that she moved toward me first, but that was unlike the brunette. She liked to keep her distance, and in all the years we'd known each other, it still took some coaxing to get a cuddle out of her. So it was likely my mind playing tricks on me.

I had no idea where I was going, so I just walked down the street as far as I could. I became acutely aware of the fact that my pasty thighs were barely shielded from anyone's view. I tried to pull my nightshirt down for modesty's sake, but just ended up exposing indecently much of my chest area. "Great," I groaned. There was no good way to arrange this ensemble.

After a few minutes' walk, it dawned on me that I had left my phone back at the house. I knew I was prone to getting lost, even after seven years in Atlanta. I wasn't born with a natural sense of direction, but when Google Maps came around, I was saved! Basically, I was going to be screwed if I walked too far without it.

By the end of the block, I spotted a black gated area with some baby beech trees just inside. _This must be that park the Bellas go to sometimes!_ It definitely looked familiar. It would probably be a good place to stop and be not lost.

There were a lot of happy people in the park. Picture-perfect families with 30-ish year old parents, a toddler and a baby in a stroller. For serious, why were there so many of them? And couples…too many couples.

I sighed as I sat on a remote bench. My ex-boyfriend, Tom, broke up with me at the end of our senior year when he found out I was failing Russian Lit. Well, not that specifically, but more because I wasn't graduating, and therefore wouldn't be able to commit to taking the next step with him. I had dated him since my sophomore year, so yeah, you could say it was serious. But a lifelong commitment? I had no idea it was _that_ serious. I'm not really the kind of person that looks at the future. I take it one day at a time. Tom was the complete opposite, and after a huge fight, he stormed out. I never saw him once on graduation day.

So seeing all these couples walking around, holding hands and giving each other little kisses made me feel pretty hollow inside. I was going on my third freaking year of no boyfriend. Or girlfriend. Or, you know – no time to question that right now. I was twenty-five years old, and like half of my old friends were already engaged or married. Meanwhile, I was still back at BU. I'd never second guessed devoting my life to the Bellas before, but now I kind of wanted a career or a family of my own.

It was all pretty intimidating.

I decided to call Aubrey. As bitchy as she could be sometimes, we'd been by each other's sides since we were both skinny little wide-eyed freshman girls. Beca had seen many of my ups, but Bree was the one who had helped me get through my worst downs. Not to mention the fact that she also knew about my feelings for Beca.

After the second ring, Aubrey Posen's cheery voice answered, "Hello?"

I gasped a little. It was so nice to hear my best friend's voice. "Bree?" I asked unnecessarily.

"Chloe, is that you?" she asked. I had forgotten she didn't have caller ID on her work phone. "Is everything okay? You never call this early in the morning."

"It's like 9 o'clock, that's not even early," I scoffed. But I knew my friend was a go-getter in the morning, same as me.

"So what's up?"

"I'm just sitting in this little public garden near the house, I don't know if you ever went there. I'm kinda hiding because I don't really have clothes on and there are all these couples and it's just a lot to —"

"Hold on, Chlo, take a deep breath," Aubrey soothed me. After my panting had slowed down enough, she inquired, "So first of all, why aren't you wearing clothes?"

I laughed. It was so like her to be concerned about that first. I assured her that I was wearing a pajama shirt that covered everything that needed to be covered – mostly.

I answered all of her other questions, when she finally got to the point. "What's the real problem here? You can tell me anything you want."

"It's about Beca," I confessed. "Are you sure you won't kill me for this?"

"I promise."

"I kissed her."

"WHAT?!"

"Aubrey…" I whined.

"Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out like that, it was just a knee-jerk reaction. Uh, wow." She paused. "Did you at least make her waffles first?" she teased.

"Of course I did!" I said indignantly, my cheeks growing hotter. When I first told Aubrey I liked Beca, she wasn't quite on board, but once she came around to it, we started making all these extravagant plans on how to win her over. These happened to include seducing her with waffles. I couldn't believe she still remembered that! I elaborated, "Okay, I didn't make the waffles to get her to fall in love with me, exactly. But last night I think I did something to make her feel awkward, and I wanted to make it up to her."

Aubrey was probably smiling on the other end of the line at my antics. "Of course that's why, Chlo. Whatever you say."

"Bree, I'm serious!" I shouted playfully, then noticing the stares of a few of the hand-holding couples, hushed myself. "But then things got weird."

"Go on."

I explained how I'd indirectly told Beca that I liked her, and that her response plus the events of the night before were sending me all sorts of green lights, and then the rest happened.

After a moment of thought, Aubrey gave her point of view. "I don't think you were wrong to kiss her. Impulsive, maybe, but that's just who you are. In fact, I'm surprised nothing made you do it before now. If she didn't like it, then that's her own loss. Although I can't imagine the kiss could've been that bad, since I know how good of a kisser you are."

Blush, blush, blush. I fanned myself, pretending it was just the effect of autumn heat that still lingered in Georgia.

"I don't know what to do," I pleaded. "You know it's not like me to have a long term crush, but it's happening and I don't know what to do."

"Just wait a while, Chloe. I promise, it'll work. I had to wait quite a while before my new boyfriend and I developed a solid relationship, but it was worth it. And I know you know Beca is worth it, too."

"All right," I conceded.

"One last thing before you go get your dream girl," Aubrey chimed in right before I pressed the "end call" button. "If she chases after you right now, she is the one." I rolled my eyes.

"Thanks for talking, Bree. Am I going to see you anytime soon?"

"If you ever need any help with the Bellas, I am so there. You know where to find me. As for the advice, anytime. I'm always eager to help."

We said our goodbyes and hung up the phone.

I started to lay back on the bench, but then I caught a creepy guy peeking at my underwear and decided it was probably a safer bet to remain sitting cross-legged. I knew I couldn't sit there forever, but I also knew I wasn't ready to face the situation back at the house yet. So I prepared myself mentally to be there for a while.

After just a few minutes, though, I thought I heard someone calling my name in the distance. "Chloe, Chloe!" it sounded like. I tried to shake the hope that it would be Beca coming after me. Aubrey said if that happened, then she was the one. And she knows what she's talking about. Therefore I sincerely doubted it was actually happening. They were probably saying something else, like, "Snowy, snowy!"

The voice got louder and more insistent. "Chloe, Chloe!" Okay. They were probably looking for another Chloe.

Then the pervert that had been watching me before spoke up from the sandbox. "Ma'am, is this your friend? She's been sitting here alone for the past half hour." He gestured at me and I tried to squirm away from anyone's view.

But the woman's voice was relieved. "Oh my God, it is her. I've been looking everywhere for you!"

I could no longer deny that it was Beca.

I got up to meet her at the gate, palms sweating like crazy. She flung open the gate and pulled me into a tight hug. I didn't reciprocate immediately, but when she didn't let go, I wrapped my arms around her tiny figure as well.

"Why did you run off on me? You're so stupid," she said with an exasperated breath.

"Why do you think?" I responded.

"Oh, I don't know, because of my wicked charm?"

"Don't do that to me, Becs," I warned her.

Beca looked up at me, and relented, seeing the worry in my own eyes. "Listen, Red, about what happened. You're one of my, no, you are my best friend. And you're gorgeous, of course, and anyone would be lucky to have you."

"Stop, stop, I know exactly what you're saying right now," I interrupt.

"No, you don't get to put words in my mouth," Beca snapped, uncharacteristic of her. "What I meant is, what I'm going to say, I'm going to say myself. Chloe Beale, you are my best friend. You are gorgeous. Anyone would be lucky to have you, including me. But I just…I have a lot on my plate right now. And I have Jesse."

 _Jesse. Crap, I almost forgot about him._ "Right, yeah." I nodded. "I knew that. I was just being stupid."

"Uh-uh." Beca shook her head. "Not stupid. Never." She put her hand on my arm and guided me out of the park. "I do love you, you know. That doesn't come easy."

I tried to comfort myself in that. I'd been content assuming that for the past three years, hadn't I? But it wasn't enough. I wanted Beca to stop being nice to me, and just be mine.


	4. Hard to Admit

**A/N: Hey all, it's been a while! School got crazy, finals are coming, and I also got a bit of writer's block. But it's all good now. Hopefully going to see Pitch Perfect 2 for the third time tomorrow :D Oh yeah, this is Beca's POV.**

For the next week, things were super awks between Chloe and I, as she might say. I wanted time to think, and she wanted to be stubborn and standoffish. For the first day or so, I thought she was just hurt by my reaction, but after that, I could sense her death glare in my shoulder blades every time we were in the same room. I didn't want her to be mad at me – as much as I could distract myself from my feelings with my new job, I didn't feel whole. But she wouldn't talk.

Of course it crossed my mind that I could talk to her. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It was always Chloe's job to do the talking, and I was there to listen. Plus, I didn't have my thoughts worked out. Usually music helped, but I was even more stuck in a rut with that since Chloe's mix.

Every morning, Jesse would pick me up and drive me to work. He would ask me how the Bellas were, now that we were in the midst of rehearsals for our convention performance. I would respond that it was going well, avoiding the topic of the arrangements I was still severely behind on. It all seemed very routine. That's what I liked about being with Jesse: he kept me grounded.

But the more I thought about it, and I had a lot of time to think about it while I was fetching coffee and keeping my mouth shut, I was missing something. I adored the fact that Jesse was a huge goofball, and I couldn't keep the smile off my face when I was around him. The fact that we were going on three years together really said measures alone. Our relationship was lacking spark, though. I kept waiting for something new to happen, but I couldn't remember the last time it did.

So I let him drop me off, and then I steamed my skim lattes and brewed my green teas. And I thought about what I wanted…or who I wanted.

That day, I rushed into Bellas rehearsal five minutes late, stuffing my ID badge down the front of my shirt in a haste so no one would see it. _Smooth, Beca._ I flung open the door and everyone froze where they were to look over at me. "Sorry, guys, I had a thing," I apologized lamely, throwing my bag under the piano and taking my place at the front beside Chloe.

"Yeah, we figured that out, Beca," Chloe said coldly, her face painted with disdain.

"Oooh," I heard Cynthia Rose say quietly from the back.

I shook it off and let Chloe pick back up with the rehearsal. We were still working without my arrangements, so we were just doing hours of cardio, old choreography, and hastily thrown together mash-ups of worn out songs. It was pointless, and it reminded me an awful lot of the practices back in my freshman year.

At the end of three hours, the girls wiped sweat off their foreheads and took swigs from their water bottles, meandering towards the door. I tapped Chloe on the shoulder. "Hey, so, what we've been doing recently, how productive actually is this? I thought we agreed not to go back to Aubrey's Bellas."

Chloe's mouth gaped and she put her water bottle down haltingly. "Wow, you're one to talk! You've barely been around in the past few weeks, and we have a performance in –" She paused to count days on her fingers. "- Very soon! Did you ever stop to consider that maybe the reason we aren't getting anything done is because you aren't doing your part? When I signed up for co-captain, I wasn't expecting to be the only one."

My eyes redirected to the floor. She wasn't exactly wrong.

But the redhead wasn't done. I could tell she'd been saving up this explosion until she had something to tip it off. "What is it, Beca? What's been going on? Why won't you tell me anything?" The few girls who were still in the room hung back silently by the wall to watch events play out.

"It's nothing," I murmured, but she talked over me.

"No, it's not nothing, Beca, and it's pissing me off that you think you can get away with saying that! If it's nothing, then you have no excuse not to be here when we need you. So what is it? Do you not want to spend time with me anymore? Is it because I kissed you?" The last sentence was purely a yell. Ashley and Jessica pursed their lips in the background, CR cocked an eyebrow, and Flo just looked confused.

"Well, I mean, that was no small part of it!" I was finally bursting, too. "How was I supposed to react to that, Chloe? Huh? Was I supposed to have expected it or something?"

"You just, just, aghhh," Chloe groaned. "After the car show, you know! _You_ leaned towards _me_. I know you did. I've replayed that so many times in my mind and it was definitely you. Why would you do that if you didn't want to kiss me?"

"I'm just very sexually confused right now, okay?" I blurted out. At this line, I could sense the remaining Bellas scooting out the door to finally give us some privacy. "It's not just Kommissar, I thought you knew that!"

I braced myself for Chloe's quick retort, but there was none. Just stunned silence. "Wait, you…really?" she finally uttered, exponentially quieter than before. She took a step closer.

"I mean…yeah," I responded, closing the gap by another step. "Who wouldn't be?"

Chloe put a foot forward again. "You, I thought. I thought you were blind to all the signals I'd been sending."

I took the last step. "You're the blind one, Red."

Then I slid my hand up around her shoulder and put the other gingerly on the side of her face. "Let's try this one…more…time…" Without any more hesitation, I pressed my lips to hers. Chloe's left foot somehow found a way to its position between my feet, causing our bodies to mold against one another. I felt my heart leap as my friend's tongue entered my mouth, and I wasted no time in reciprocating. _This is so good,_ I thought. _Why have I never kissed a girl before?_ But that thought was quickly washed away by another wave of arousal as Chloe released a gasp, her tongue still around mine.

I don't know how long we were standing there having our vertical make-out session, but when we both finally came up for air, I couldn't do anything but look into my friend's ocean-blue eyes in awe. "Wow," I breathed.

"Totes," Chloe giggled, and I punched her playfully in the arm.

We left the room with arms linked. "Do you want to come over to my place tomorrow night?"

"What, your room?"

"Or we could go somewhere else. Whatever you want."

"Your place sounds great." Her grin lit up the room.

We let the gym door swing shut, and I then became keenly aware of the fact that my badge had slipped out from under my collar.

* * *

Luckily, the next day was Sunday, which meant no Bellas rehearsal and no work either. I texted Jesse to say I wasn't feeling well, and he replied with an archetypical "Aw Feel better soon, my love xo". I rolled my eyes, but underneath that I felt bad for the man. I was destined either to break his heart by leaving him or by waiting too long and having him catch me with Chloe.

I had spent all night working on my mix for her. Now that we had rekindled whatever we may have had going, I had an immediate inspiration. As soon as her hand slipped out of mine and we went to our respective rooms, I stopped in my tracks. I knew which song to use.

I couldn't let any of my ideas fade away over a night's sleep, so I decided to save the sleep for daytime today and finish everything now. That tended to happen a lot when I was on a roll. When I finally finished, a 7:30 rolled around and the sun had just come up, I got a text from Chloe. "Im downstairs if ur awake." I smiled sleepily at my phone and debated whether or not to take her up on her offer.

I finally decided I would, no matter how tired I was.

"Hey," she said from the living room upon hearing my footsteps on the stairs.

"Hey," I replied groggily.

"You sound tired," she remarked.

"Mhmm," I answered, flopping down on the couch beside her. I snuggled into her, and the last thing I remembered mumbling before I passed out was, "I finished your mix."

A few hours later, I found myself proper lying down on the couch with a blanket wrapped around me. _Wait a second,_ I paused. _We don't have any blankets down here._ I wiggled a little bit to settle back in, and then I realized, Chloe was the blanket surrounding me. She must've felt bad for me when I came downstairs to see her and instantly fell asleep.

I would say we were spooning, but we weren't really. First of all, the couch wasn't really wide enough to make a spoon shape. And second of all, we weren't pressed against each other in any sexual kind of way. If anything, Chloe's arm slung around my waist and head resting right on top of mine was kind of protective.

 _God, I love this woman,_ I caught myself thinking. Then the second voice in my head replied, _God, Beca, what is it with you and falling in love?_

 _Whatever,_ my real brain said. _This is nice and warm and I think I will go back to sleep. Again._

I must've woken Chloe up with my movement, because as I drifted off, the last sensation I felt was gentle kisses in the crook of my neck. I found myself looking forward to our date more and more.


	5. Date Night?

**A/N: In which the title is finally explained, and some plot also happens. Chlo-Chlo time.**

 **I like your reviews. They make me happy.**

Once Beca woke up and started going about her day, I started getting jittery. Maybe partially because my arm had been numb for a couple hours under Beca's dozing body, but also maybe partially because I was nervous about the date. I tried to be rational by recalling that Beca had been my best friend for the past three years of my adult life, and I was more comfortable around her than perhaps anyone. Who was to say this would be any different than two friends cuddling on Beca's bed with a bowl of popcorn and a movie playing on her laptop?

Well, the movie would probably be a no. Beca didn't like movies. Maybe a few episodes of her favorite TV show, whatever that was.

I spent about an hour getting ready for Beca. She'd told me she'd have everything ready by 7 that night, and that I should try not to barge in before then. I was curious as to what she had in store. In the meantime, I stood in front of my closet and stared at all the clothes. I had literally no ideas. My super keen sense of style was dropping out on me.

Stacie walked into the bedroom and saw me contemplating the contents of my closet. "Ah." She nodded. "Date night with Beca?"

I was startled. "What? How do you know about that? I mean -"

"Shhh," she shushed me, placing a finger over my lips and smushing them. I stood there, desisted. She peered into the dark abyss of clothing. "Okay, first of all, you're gonna want something that pushes the girls up." She clutched her boobs for emphasis.

"Oookay." I nodded uncertainly, but stepped back to let her do the work.

"You're plenty skinny, so that's not a problem. Show off your legs to make yourself look taller...oh, gosh, I hope Beca had the same idea. Bless her."

She swiftly sifted through the hangers. Finally, she pulled out one of my favorite hot pink tops. "Oh, this screams, 'Chloe.' It's all bright and vibrant and do-me-now."

"Stop that!" I giggled, feigning outrage. "That's definitely not what I'm doing with Beca tonight."

"Uh-huh," Stacie said dubiously. "You're not fooling anyone, Chlo, we've all seen the eyes you've been making at her for the past, oh, forever."

I could feel the blood rushing to my face. "Aha!" Stacie cried victoriously. I put my hands over my eyes self-consciously.

"While you're at it, why don't you just wear no pants at all?" she suggested. I couldn't contain my shrieks of entertainment and mortification. "Ahh…," my friend sighed when she finally calmed down. "Jokes. Here, take these." She thrust a pair of skinny jeans with white printed flowers at me.

I stood there for a second, taking in the moment. Stacie looked displeased with me. "What are you waiting for? It's literally 6:45, get changed!" I stripped on the spot and put the new clothes on.

Stacie looked down at me and smiled, now contented with her handiwork. Taking my wrists in her hands, she gave me another little bit of advice. "I feel like you know what you're doing with makeup. From what I've observed about Becs, don't look like you're trying too hard. I know she thinks you're hot no matter what, so try to look a little bit undone. And have fun. Don't do anything stupid." With that, she left the room and went back downstairs to get dinner with the other Bellas.

In the bathroom, I swiped on some mascara and puckered up for my signature berry-colored lip gloss. I considered eyeliner, but I knew Beca's liner game would beat mine, no question. I left my skin natural. She would put a glow in it anyway. For hair, I just tousled it a bit and haphazardly tied it back into a ponytail. There.

Just then, Beca called my name from the other side of the door. "Chloe, I'm ready whenever you're...ready. Or whatever. Yeah." I heard her walk away back to her room. Here goes nothing.

I unlocked the bathroom door and made the trek to Beca's room. I'd been in here many times before, but this was different. The first thing my eyes were drawn to was her. That tiny, pixie-like brunette in the plaid pants and black t-shirt from some indie band took my breath away. She stood in the center of the room, awaiting my reaction. I took everything in: there were pink flowers on her bedside table that perfectly matched my shirt, and on either side of it were candles. The lights were dimmed to emphasize the strand of yellow-white Christmas lights she had framing her window. She'd even made an effort to shove all of her sheet music and mixing equipment under her bed. Everything was so Beca.

"What do you think?" she asked.

I smiled wide and bounded over to wrap my friend in a hug. "It's amazing!" I told her truthfully.

She smiled sheepishly. I followed her lead in plopping down on her bed. It was a little twin sized one, just like mine, so we were plenty close. Beca retrieved her laptop from her windowsill. "Before we do anything else, I want you to listen to this mix I've been working on. This is why I fell asleep on you today, I stayed up all night making it. I just wanted to let you know that I admire how committed you are to the Bellas, and I really have no excuse for not being there to back you up. I know how you love it when I put my personal feelings into my mixes, and this one is to tell you that I really am thankful. For everything, you know."

She placed the headphones over my ears, and when I gave the signal, she pressed the play button.

The first words began:

 _You're the light, you're the night_

 _You're the color of my blood_

 _You're the cure, you're the pain_

 _You're the only thing I wanna touch_

 _Never knew that it could mean so much_

I recognized the song as Ellie Goulding's "Love Me Like You Do." Catchy, poppy, I could definitely jam out to this. Wait, wasn't the song from Fifty Shades of Grey? Mitchell, what a dirty little bird.

Then in wound a very familiar tune.

 _You did not break me_

 _I'm still fighting for peace_

It was my most favoritest song, "Elastic Heart" by Sia! I whacked Beca's arm with my mouth agape, signaling that I definitely appreciated her choice of pieces here and I was surprised.

I couldn't get enough of the way the songs meshed together. I started to see Beca in the lyrics of both songs. She wasn't one to throw herself into a relationship, and she hadn't really figured out how the whole love and affection thing worked. And it definitely conveyed her confusion over her feelings for me, whatever they may be. Aghh, the songs, both the melodies playing at once and the backtrack syncing with them perfectly, it was almost too much. I wanted to forgive her for everything. Hearing the way the songs wound around each other made me want to wind myself around her.

Stop that, Chloe Beale, or you're gonna get yourself into trouble.

I lost myself in the rest of the mix, and thought I maybe even heard Beca harmonizing in part of it. Her voice gave me eargasms every time. The fact that I was a soprano made alto voices even more compelling to me. When the mash-up finally faded out to her on the concluding note, I applauded out loud. "It's amazing!" I repeated. "You're amazing. Thank you so, so much."

Beca pulled a flash drive out of the side of the computer. "Well, here it is, if you ever want to listen to it again." She placed it in my hand, her soft fingertips lingering on my palm. The corners of my lips lifted and I pushed the USB deep into my front pocket.

"So what do you have planned for us tonight?" I asked.

"Well, I thought about it for a long time, and it turns out I suck at date ideas." I nearly shivered at the sound of her calling it a date. "So instead of doing something actually cool, I ordered from that Chinese place you like, and the whole second season of Orange is the New Black is awaiting us," she said with a little drum on her now closed laptop.

"Oooh," I replied, bouncing where I sat.

Beca promptly fell back ungracefully onto her pillow, and I followed suit. I tried my best not to overstep my bounds by lying too close to her, forgetting how we'd been on the sofa just ten hours ago. There was an inch thick buffer zone between my right side and her left. She didn't make any move to break through that, so I let it be.

One episode later, we heard the doorbell ring downstairs. I sat up, ready to go get it, but Beca deterred me. "Don't worry, I told Fat Amy to bring it up to us." Sure enough, after an exchange at the front door, there was lo mein and fried rice within our grasp. "Take your pick," Beca said. I could never say no to noodles.

We sat across from each other on the bed now, me still by the pillows and her at the foot of the mattress. That's when we heard the first crack of thunder. "What the hell?" I said.

Beca got up onto her knees and pushed aside the blinds on her window. "It's pouring outside. When did that start?"

"It's, like, the middle of January," I added in awe.

We had the lights turned off to bask in the blue light of the computer screen and the yellow light of the candle, but in an instant the walls were illuminated with white light from outside. "One, two, three, four," Beca murmured, cut off by another rumble of thunder. "Four miles away. We're in for a good one tonight."

"How are you so fascinated by this? Thunderstorms are terrifying!" I exclaimed.

"Didn't grow up around here, did ya?" she teased.

"That's not the point, the point is that the Atlantic coast is very prone to birthing hurricanes," I pressed.

Beca rolled her eyes. "First of all, you know we're not anywhere near the coast, right? And second of all, even if we were, there is like a nothing percent chance that a hurricane would be 'birthed' in the middle of winter."

"Well. I'm still scared, so what are you going to do about that?" My blue eyes widened, my signature way of luring someone in.

Beca sat back on her butt and picked up another forkful of fried rice. I remembered she was terrible at making moves. I remembered that's why I held back for three years. I couldn't risk scaring her away.

She cracked a smile at me, though, to my relief. "It'll be okay, Chlo. But before you ask, I am not singing to you."

I laughed. Typical Beca. I picked up a few noodles with my chopsticks and they slipped right through them. I frowned down at my carton disappointedly. More lightning flickered through the slats of the blinds and I flinched. Beca scrunched up her mouth, as if pondering what she could do for me. Of course her last thought would be to kiss me, and that was what I really wanted. Aubrey would say that's what I wanted since the first word she said to me. What had happened in the gym was a rare occurrence from the reclusive girl.

Instead, she passed me a blanket. I couldn't lie, I was grateful for that. There is nothing better than hiding under a comforter with your favorite person in a storm, January or not. Beca poured the last mouthful of rice into her mouth and scooched back over to be beside me.

 _She broke the one inch barrier,_ I realized when I felt her thigh brush my hip. _That's a good start._ I commended her in my head.

For the next two episodes, we lied there mostly in silence. We did that awkward but endearing thing where we wouldn't purposely try to touch each other, but if skin happened to contact skin, we wouldn't move away. Even so, I couldn't help but think that I was more comfortable around her than she was around me, and that killed me a little bit.

Just as we started the fourth episode, Beca's phone rang from across the room. The ring tone was that song "Don't You Forget about Me" that we sang Beca's freshman year. Beca's eyes darted to me like she was caught doing something wrong, then she said, "I better take this." I allowed her off the bed and she jogged over to her dresser.

"Jesse?" she answered. My heart sank when she leaned on the dresser drawers, a sign that she wasn't about to tell him she was busy and hang up.

I paused the TV show as a delayed reaction. An important moment had just happened, and Beca was going to be very confused when she came back.

"Wait, what? Why?" I heard Beca say into the phone. "I really can't –" She was cut off, and shot an apologetic glance at me. "Please, I'm kind of in the middle of – oh, okay. Right now it is. I'll be there in a few."

I raised my eyebrows when she hung up on him, and she sighed. "Jesse needs me to come over now," she explained. "His car broke down and he couldn't think of anyone else to call."

I couldn't hide my frustration. Jesse was another factor that deterred me from pursuing Beca in the past. I'd started to believe she was close to breaking it off with him, but I appeared to be wrong. "Seriously? That's his excuse? There are literally, like, a million other people he could've called. What about Benji?"

"Benji's out of town this week," she responded. How convenient. "I have to go, Chloe, it's the middle of a thunderstorm and it's not safe for him to be out there. I hope you understand, he just, he needs me more than you do."

I didn't dignify that with a response, but she took that as good enough for approval and dashed out the door, retrieving a towel from the bathroom before she went out into the rain. _Hey,_ I thought, _that's my f***ing towel._

"Garghhhh!" I yelled when the front door closed behind her. I slammed Beca's pillow onto the floor and jumped up and down on it for good measure. I wasn't an angry person, like, ever, but I had never before come within inches of finally relaxing and enjoying myself with the woman I'm in love with just to have her walk out on me for her stupid boyfriend.

I calmed down quickly though, concentrating so hard on keeping it together that I wasn't even fazed by the next enormous boom rattling the walls. I went downstairs and poured myself a glass of the first beverage I could find, which weirdly happened to be milk. As the liquid satiated my dry tongue, I finally let it sink in on me how much it hurt. How much it hurt that she still dropped everything to comply with Jesse's will, even though _I_ was the one who stayed at Barden three extra years for her. How much it hurt that I was always the one seeking her out, not the other way around. How much it hurt that she probably only kissed me because I was there.

The worst thing was, I wasn't even reacting to it. I wasn't crying hysterically or shredding photos of her. This was blatant rejection, and I wasn't even properly upset. Maybe we weren't meant to be together like I'd thought. Maybe all I could do was try to move on.

Stacie walked in the kitchen, a concerned look on her face. "I just saw Beca's car leave. What happened?"

I looked up at her with a blank expression on my pallid face. "It's been raining."


	6. Rescuing Jesse, Among Other Things

**A/N: This is Beca's point of view (a lot of Jeca here, bear with me). Also, check out my Chaubrey one-shot, Junior Year, for a fun little backstory. Thank you always for leaving reviews, they really make my day! I love having those to look forward to when I post a new chapter :)**

I hopped in my car and turned on the engine. Switching on the windshield wiper as I backed down the driveway, I sighed defeatedly. I didn't want to leave Chloe. I really, really didn't. But I couldn't help it that I wanted to help Jesse. I couldn't help it that I went out of my way to do what other people expected of me. As I huffed out some agitated air, I merged onto the main road.

Jesse had said that he was somewhere between the nearest Dave & Buster's and the junkyard. That left...an uncomfortable amount of space to search for him, considering D&B's was outside of Atlanta. At a red light, I shot a text his way saying _: "do you have an intersection where i can find u?"_

Within seconds he replied: _"no, just a long stretch of some side road."_

Great.

After a moment of thought, I was pretty sure I had the location pinpointed in my mind. There was only one such road around here that matched his description. I thanked the Lord that it had been easy to memorize my way around here, but I cursed Jesse for insisting on driving home by himself after the Trebles' night out. _What a stupid face,_ I thought.

In as short as 15 minutes, I was driving down the poorly lit dirt road toward the junkyard. The rain had only intensified since I left the house, and the pellets of water falling on the car were making it difficult to concentrate. I turned on my high beams and squinted at the faint outline of the road. If Jesse was pulled over to the side, his car dark, there was no guarantee I would even see him.

I cracked open the passenger's side window to improve my view, but all that really accomplished was making the seat very, very damp. I almost snorted at the fact that that's where Jesse would have to sit. He was probably wet enough already, though.

I drove sluggishly for a few minutes when I heard a faint call of, "Be-caw! Be-caw!" I spotted the shadowy outline of his conveniently black Toyota, and Jesse jumping up and down on the hood, waving his arms. I rolled my eyes adoringly. _What an absolute dork._

I pulled up behind him and put on my flashers. I quickly jumped out of the car and pulled him in for a hug. "Oh, ew, you're soaked!" I squealed, and he pulled me tighter.

"Thank you so, so much for coming, Bec. I would've been stranded without you."

"Well, you didn't give me much of a choice," I replied honestly.

Jesse sighed. "I'm sorry about that. The guys are all pretty drunk by now, so I wouldn't have wanted them driving in this weather, you know?" That was a relatively good excuse, by my book. Then he asked, "What were you doing before you came, though? I'd hate to have interrupted something really important."

I considered my options for a moment. I couldn't tell the whole truth, that I'd asked my best ginger friend on a date when I was already in a relationship. That was out of the question. I could be pretty insensitive and impersonal a lot of times, but I definitely wasn't about to break Jesse's heart tonight. So I fibbed. "I was working with Chloe on the set list," I went with. Well, I had been with Chloe. That was where the truth stopped.

"Oh, yeah, you have that performance coming up! You're gonna do great." Jesse walked around to the passenger's side of the car and clambered in.

"Yeah, it's the performance for all those old people," I said, getting back behind the wheel. "Are we just leaving your car here or…?"

"I guess so, it'll survive. We shouldn't have it towed now I don't think, like I said I don't want to put anyone in danger." To punctuate his words, another bolt of lightning lit up the night sky, the jaggedness crisply outlined by the ominous clouds. "I'll call someone first thing in the morning, but ol' Bessie'll make it through the night." Bessie was the name of his car. He chose it, not surprisingly, because it rhymed with his name. I maneuvered back onto the road and did a tight U-turn to go back to the main street.

Jesse put his hand on top of mine on the gear stick. "I'm sorry for the trouble," he said, trying to look me in the eye while my eyes were on the road in front of me.

"It's no problem," I responded tersely, swallowing hard. Beca Mitchell. Stop thinking about him, stop thinking about Chloe. Just get yourself home and everything will be okay. Don't think about how you've fallen for two people at once, and that your heart is going to break no matter what you do. But of course, as I commanded myself to stop thinking about my dilemma, it was constantly running through my brain. Jesse fell silent, and I let all the worries crash in.

The truth was, I'd never gotten my heart broken before. I'd never allowed myself to get personal enough with anyone that they'd have that power. And now I had Jesse. Jesse had three years' worth of history with me. It was often hard for me to believe that anyone would put up with my aloofness for that long, and it was not surprising that it got to him sometimes. However, he was still here. But I was sure that ditching him to be with Chloe all the time wouldn't sit well with him. An angry Jesse was not something I wanted to see.

Jesse switched on the radio quietly, and the first song that came on was "Love Me Like You Do." My heart beat sped up as a result of hearing the familiar rhythm. "Please," I pleaded, "change the station." I didn't want any feelings coming out that I could prevent.

Jesse raised his eyebrows, but obliged. "Not a huge fan of Fifty Shades, hey?" he joked.

"Yeah," I nodded. "That's it." The new station was playing pop songs from the early 2010s, namely something I recognized to be by Nero. I tuned my ear in more closely. This might be a cool arrangement, I noted.

But the song ended too soon, and my brain floated back to its previous train of thought. Now I was thinking about how Jesse was just so damn cute. Back in freshman year, I had fallen in love with him because of his silly little movies and his goofy grin and his soft, warm hands. I was still working out my feelings for the tender yet enthusiastic Chloe Beale, but I had already determined that I was in love with Jesse. I had let myself get attached, and now I honestly didn't think I would ever be not in love with that boy. I didn't say it much, but I'm sure he knew it as well as I did. How could he not?

Jesse's thumb brushed back and forth gently over the back of my hand. I loved it when he did that. I smiled to myself at his caring touch.

Before I knew it, I pulled back into the driveway. I thought I saw a flash of red hair in the front window, but it ducked away. The rain was still going strong, but I hadn't heard any thunder since Jesse got in the car. "Are you good to walk from here?" It was only like a block, after all.

"Yeah, I'll be okay. You get back to work, babe." Jesse took both of my tiny, cold hands in his strong, warm ones, and I swiveled my body in my seat to face him. I finally allowed myself to look him in the eye, and his kind brown irises captivated me. _God,_ I thought disgustedly. _Why do I care about him so much? I'm turning soft._

I opened my door and Jesse followed suit. I was drenched within seconds, but I didn't mind. Now I could give Jesse the hug I wanted. I walked around the car and then pulled him in close, resting my head on his chest. He had the same musky smell that I'd grown accustomed to. I realized with a pang that I didn't even know what Chloe smelled like. Jesse placed a hand on the back of my head and tilted my chin up with the other. I knew what was coming.

My lips met his willingly, and I let his familiar tongue dance with mine. It felt so _right_ to be here with him. But the kiss was fleeting. After no time at all, Jesse had already bade me goodnight and was walking down the driveway into the downpour. I was left standing there, right where he'd been holding me.

Pretty soon, Jesse's silhouette disappeared down the street, and the front door of the house opened. "Back in a flash!" an Australian voice called back into the house. I heard Fat Amy's footsteps on the stairs, then, "Oh, hey, Beca. Chloe was just…" I turned to look at her. "Oh, never mind. You'll see."

I frowned, but made my way up to the front stoop, passing my friend on the way. "Where are you going?" I asked curiously.

"Oh, just out to get a smoothie," she replied. "Nothing weird." Okay then.

"Okay, see ya," I said, disappearing into the house.

The first thing I saw upon entering was Chloe lying face down on the sofa. Stacie was sitting on the chair beside her, hand consolingly on her shoulder. She looked up when the door swung closed, and pursed her lips. She stood up and Chloe turned her head on its side to see why her friend had gone. "I'll leave you two," Stacie said, and exited to the kitchen.

I took Stacie's position by the couch, and Chloe flipped over onto her back. She faced the ceiling, eyes unwilling to meet mine. _God, what beautiful, crystal blue eyes._ God, what was with my thing for eyes? I kicked off my wet shoes and sat gingerly on the edge of the chair, careful not to get everything wet.

"I'm mad at you," Chloe said to the ceiling. I stayed silent. "I thought I wasn't mad at you, but I am. Even if we were just hanging out as friends, leaving me was, as you would say, a dick move."

"Yeah, it was a dick move," I agreed. "But what did you want me to do? Leave him in the middle of nowhere with no way to get home? To be honest, if you and Jesse switched places in this situation, you would've expected me to come get you. News flash, Chlo, it's not all about you." Yeesh, that was pretty harsh, even for me.

Chloe sat bolt upright at this. "You don't think I know that?" she said exasperatedly. "Trust me, after a year of the Aubrey show, I learned that the hard way. And even now, the announcers always say 'Beca Mitchell, the leader of the Bellas.' I've devoted seven years of my life to this group for _that._ I know it's not 'all about me,' Beca. In fact, it seems like it's never about me."

"God, why do you always have to bring everything back to the Bellas?" I cried. "There's more to life than acapella."

"Not for me there isn't. I don't have anything, any, agh, any _one_ else."

"Look, this isn't easy for me to say, Red, but I…I care about you. That honor is not bestowed on a whole lot of people. I wanna, uh, you know, try things out with you. For real. But for now, breaking up with Jesse isn't an option."

Chloe then faced me straight on, blue eyes searching. "I don't know if you know this," she finally said steadily, "but I tend to throw myself into relationships. One hundred percent. I want to be with someone who will do the same."

My next breath in was shaky. I couldn't deny that that made me uncomfortable. I was a lone wolf, mostly. I didn't really like to depend on other people, and I didn't like them to depend on me. I mainly just sucked at relationships.

But then, I remembered. I had told Chloe I loved her. Back in the park. And I still felt like that was true. She was someone I could invest myself in. We were so…domestic with each other. She knew all of my weird quirks, and I knew hers. Not to mention, I loved the feel of her soft, sweet lips on mine.

After just having kissed Jesse, thinking that felt like a crime.

Chloe, being the talker, broke the thoughtful silence. "I'm sorry for exploding at you. Now and at rehearsal. I've been pretty tense lately, I guess. I just want to get this performance over with and then go on a vacation or something."

"That would be cool," I agreed. Suddenly I had an idea. "Hey, if it would make you feel any better, I could finish the arrangements by tomorrow. It wouldn't be too much trouble for me."

Chloe raised her eyebrows at me. "Could you really?"

"Yeah, of course!" I really didn't know what I was getting myself into, but I didn't care. I was ready for another night of black coffee and headphones to clear my head.

"Aww, Becs, that's so sweet of you!" She pulled me in for a quick, tight embrace. For some reason the gesture gave me butterflies.

I hoped things were going to be okay between us. After we said goodnight, I crawled in bed and put on Chloe's mix for inspiration. This was going to be a long eight hours.

* * *

At the crack of dawn, I had just barely picked out the songs we were going to perform. They were "Promises," which I'd heard on the radio with Jesse, and "Problem" by Natalia Kills. With an extreme sleep deficiency, I must admit that they were chosen not in small part because of the alliteration. I was loading in the sheet music and thinking about harmonies and parts. Fat Amy would be perfect for the chorus of "Problem," I knew it.

This task was proving to be more tedious than initially accounted for, and I realized too late that I should've started at least a few days ago. Rehearsals were going to have to be pretty intensive to get this all down. Plus Chloe's choreo, too, which I doubted was even in the works yet because of my delay. But I kept at it. It wouldn't do me any good to give up now.

Except, of course, that I had to go to work. That was kind of a sizeable barrier in my productivity. I made a point of keeping the music going through my head all day, because even if I wasn't visibly getting anything done, I was at least getting in the mood for it. Snoop Dogg was recording today, and I was as close to a celebrity as I'd ever been, but I didn't even really register it. I was just trying to stay focused, stay awake, and not be tempted to drink my coworkers' coffee.

Luckily, the day went by without many slip-ups and I was able to leave right on time. The first thing I did upon unlocking my car was grab my laptop and open up the sheet music. I was in a zone, and when I was in this zone, I could get hours' worth of work done in maybe 30 minutes. True to my form, when the clock struck 5:35, I had all the parts saved to my hard drive and I was ready to roll. What a miracle.

The wintry sky was already getting dark by the time I pulled out of the parking garage. I knew the Bellas were expecting me to be there tonight; Chloe had planned some stress relieving activities to get DSM off the brain. Hopefully I wasn't holding them up.

When I got back and walked up to the front door, I found an elegantly addressed envelope outside. I picked it up warily and brushed a brown leaf off of it. I decided to bring it inside.

The first thing I was greeted with was screaming, followed by thumping. _What the hell?_ It took a second for my eyes to adjust, but I realized they were having a pillow fight. "You know this sets women back, like, thirty years," I told them. All this received was a whack in the side from Fat Amy.

I couldn't help but notice how cute Chloe looked in her pajamas. She was really letting loose. That was good for her. Her hair was down in a natural wave, her face looking natural. And her PJs were a long turquoise button down top and probably some shorts. I didn't know, I couldn't see them. Or maybe I was just distracted by her legs. _Stop that, Beca,_ I scolded myself.

The weight in my hand reminded me I was still carrying the letter from outside. "I found this on the porch," I announced.

Chloe jumped down off the couch, exclaiming, "Ooh!"

Everyone gathered around us and together we examined the piece of mail. I let Chloe do the honors. She jumped when she opened the first layer and it started singing, like those birthday cards sometimes do. Except this was a bit more ominous. When we opened the whole thing up, the voices made a perfect chord. The card appeared to be an invitation of some sort. And it appeared to want us there now.

"God," I groaned as the others went upstairs to get dolled up. "I'm too tired for this! I'm old, I'm so old now, I can't!" I wanted to fall on my face on the bedroom floor, but no. I was in for a long night.


	7. Jealousy and Questioning

**A/N: Chloe's POV. I don't really have much to say today. Enjoy, friends!**

Beca had finally come home at later-than-she-was-supposed-to o'clock, in the middle of our pillow fight. She was bearing a mysterious invitation she found on our front step, and now we were on our way to the address to see what we just got ourselves into.

Amy drove the Bella bus, as usual, and Beca and I sat in the front together. Beca said she hated sitting in the front, but I insisted, since we had to project the fact that we were in charge. Wherever we were going, I had the sense we would want to look like we had our group together. This ideal was not aided by the fact that Beca had to make a fart noise into the mail slot in order to get us let in. She looked cute, though. I stared at her for a little too long, then covered it up by looking perplexed by the specificity of the password. _Good save, Chlo._

A strange man guided us into his mansion and down to the basement. We were greeted with a fancy-looking curtain at the bottom of the staircase. I couldn't see or hear anything that might have been behind it. We all stood there in confounded silence as weird guy hopped back on his scooter and introduced what we were about to see. I glanced back at Beca to see if she had any idea what was going on, but she looked as lost as the rest of the girls. Then, the drape was flung open, and we were greeted with what was undoubtedly a party.

The first thing I saw when I stepped into the room was Das Sound Machine. An acapella party, of course. Or maybe...more than a party. "DSM, 2 o'clock," I whispered to Beca. I could hear her gulp, eyes caught on Kommissar's toned midsection, which was just visible at the bottom of her shirt. I shook my head, predicting what was to come.

Kommissar walked over to us, drink in hand and Pieter in tow. "Tiny maus," Kommissar greeted Beca. Beca snapped her head up to meet their gaze. The two Germans spouted off some crap about how Beca was so small she could be sent through the mail for free, or at least less than an adult moose.

I silently prayed Beca wouldn't humiliate herself, to no avail. Right as I thought we were safe, and the duo began to walk away, Beca shouted, "Did you ever think maybe you're too big? Huh? It would cost a fortune to mail you!" I put my head in my hands from second hand embarrassment. What kind of an insult was that?

I reached out to comfort Beca, and she shook me off, muttering something about a taller pair of shoes. She was already wearing boots with two or three inch heels, which was pretty amusing. I tried not to let it bother me how the DSM leader got to her. That alluring blonde thing was certainly not working on me - I hadn't been into blondes since, like, 2011 - but she was poking holes in the sturdiness of our group. With Beca, the Bellas' leader, getting openly nervous, what kind of an image were we projecting?

But the feeling in the pit of my stomach forced me to face the unfortunate reality of why I was so uncomfortable with Kommissar's seductive tactics. It wasn't because I was worried about the Bellas. That popped up second in my mind. The first thing was: what did Kommissar have that I didn't? Why did Beca lose her shit around her, but talked to me like I was just a friend? Well, to her I probably was just a friend, and that was still a tough realization for me. That wasn't something I could live with. I'd tried for about thirty minutes, but it was physically impossible. I wanted to fight for her. If Beca was, indeed, attracted to women in any way, she was going to be mine. I knew her well enough to know she deserved better than some giant German acapella winning sex symbol. She deserved someone who cared.

Tonight, I was going to show that.

Just then, Jesse showed up. How convenient. He started talking hurriedly to Beca, conspiring about what might've brought them together for this event. But a gong rang out through the room, and Jesse said he had to leave. I frowned at how much she didn't want him to go, but I was ready to start this...this whatever it was.

I won't go into detail about what turned out to be a big league version of a riff off. For the category "I Dated John Mayer," I broke in with T-Swizzle's "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together." It seemed like the perfect song to fuel my rage, even if it had nothing to do with the object of my anger. Plus, Stacie, Jessica, and I had had plenty of fun karaoke nights singing Taylor Swift, so I knew they'd pick up on it quickly. It seemed like we were winning, with that, Stacie's first round "Low," and Beca's amazing rendition of "Before He Cheats." We just had to get through the last round against DSM.

Long story short, we lost. New girl screwed up big time. I couldn't believe it. Das Sound Machine sang "Jump" in celebration for the next 15 minutes, and I was fuming. I almost gave up on the Bellas image altogether. We'd had one disastrous performance, and now our competition had the impression that's all we were capable of. I hated being treated like I was inferior.

I went over to confront Emily and put her in her place. "You shouldn't have done that, Emily," I said sharply. "Now DSM thinks they have the drop on us."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry, and I understand if you want me to go crawl into a hole and die," she replied. She was so naive. I didn't even dignify that with a response, I just scowled. Back when Aubrey and I were under the control of Alice, our 2011 captain, we were taught to stand tall and keep our mouths shut when our superiors addressed us, and take it like a woman. Not like...a puppy.

"Hey, we don't want that," Beca assured Emily. "We _don't_ want that," she repeated to me slowly, seeing the spiteful curl of my lips, and the narrowing of my eyes. I relented, thinking back to Beca's earlier words. _"I thought we agreed not to go back to Aubrey's Bellas."_ Aubrey had run the group the way she was used to it being run. Now it was different, and I guess it was a priority to treat everyone with respect now.

That didn't change the fact that, right then, I wanted to punch the songwriting spunk out of that little (tall) freshman.

Right as I was about to pull Beca aside to talk about some more personal matters, Jesse showed up. _Again._ And this time, he whisked Beca away with a giddy smile to go meet the Green Bay Packers. Beca didn't even _like_ football! But she liked Jesse Swanson. The one thing that kept my hopes up was the apologetic glance that she shot me as her boyfriend dragged her away. It was like, 'Wait for me, Chloe, I'm coming back to you.' She had that way of keeping me hanging on. There was a song about that, wasn't there? I began to hum it under my breath to tune out "Jump" in the background.

I watched enviously as Jesse talked emphatically to the gargantuan sportsmen, and Beca stood idly by his side. She fist bumped Clay Matthews, then winced and cradled her hand. Then Kommissar caught her eye and she forgot everything around her. Typical. I shook my head and turned my attention to whatever juicy gossip Fat Amy was trying to fill me in on.

After a little while longer at the party, a few drinks later for everyone and a few lap dances later for Stacie, the group collectively decided it was time to leave. I clenched and unclenched my fists to relieve tension while walking back to the bus, when suddenly my hand made contact with another hand. And it stayed there, finding the forward-backward pattern of my arm and holding on through it. I looked back and saw Beca attached to the hand, speed walking to keep up. I realized I was probably walking a little briskly to get away from that horrid riff off situation, considering the two of us were probably about 50 feet ahead of the rest of the girls.

"Sorry about Jesse," Beca said hushedly. "Again. Did you wanna talk?"

"Yeah, actually. Did you finish the arrangements?" I asked. That wasn't really what I meant to say, and I could've sworn I saw Beca's face fall when that was the topic I broached.

"I did!" she replied, excited in spite of herself. "That's why I was home late today, I was working on the set in the car."

Beca's enthusiasm was contagious, and I couldn't help but ask about what songs were in it. She told me everything about how the parts were going to work and all that jazz, and I could already picture what we could do with dance, blocking, and props. My spirits were lifting, and I was beginning to think that maybe we would be able to pull ourselves out of this rut after all.

We arrived at our parking spot and stood at the locked door, waiting for Fat Amy. I was suddenly acutely aware of the weight still in my hand. "Oh," I said, looking down and holding our hands up to view. Surely Beca couldn't have been aware they were still together. "We're still holding hands," I said, just in case she still wasn't clear on what I was talking about.

Beca surprised me. "Yeah," she said, nodding with a reluctant yet optimistic smile. "I kinda did that on purpose." My heart skipped a beat, but I said no more, returning our clasped hands back to their rightful place between us. How could she make me so goddamn mad, but so goddamn happy at the same time?

Fat Amy and the rest of the crew finally arrived at the bus. We stepped aside to allow her access to unlock the door. "Hey Beca...Chloe…," she said as if she knew she was interrupting something. We smiled slyly at each other and boarded the bus behind her.

On the bus ride home, Beca and I stayed close. I was getting the vibe that she did, in fact, want more than the friendship we had, which was throwing all kinds of holes in my previous theories. I didn't know about Jesse, but I didn't think Kommissar was the kind of person who would hold her hand the whole half hour drive, skimming her fingertips over Beca's skin over and over again. But I was. Beca's hands were naturally cold, but by the time we arrived at the Bella house, I could hardly feel the difference between her hands and mine.

The sweetness of the Beca's mix played on repeat in my head, and I was dizzy with joy.

It wasn't an anomaly for Beca and I to be touching like this - a lot of times, as friends, we would naturally walk with my arm around her waist, or sit with her head on my shoulder. And yet this time, it felt different. It felt like it was leading up to something bigger. I only hoped the Bellas didn't notice. I wasn't ready for people to know, other than Stacie who apparently already did. I wanted this to just be about Beca and me for a while.

I often wondered what kind of mysteries went on in Beca's head. She didn't talk much about her feelings, even to me. Her eyes betrayed that she confided in me a mere fraction of the things running through her brain. I wished there was something I could do to alleviate that burden. Because if she really did want to be with me, I was not going to let her lead Jesse on. And that meant she was going to have a big choice to make.

"Chloe?" I heard her say in the midst of my thoughts. "Chloe. Earth to Chloe."

"Huh? Yeah, sorry," I stammered.

"Let's go inside," Beca prodded.

I blinked blankly. We had made our way to the front steps without me being totally there. But then I bit my lip to hold back a smile. I had a better idea than going inside. "Let's stay on the porch," I suggested. I looked around to make sure the rest of the girls were all inside the house. Beca seemed to catch my drift, and nodded encouragingly.

I led her by the hand to the top step, where we could look out on the world. The stoop was just the right width so that Beca and I had to sit hip to hip. "What are you thinking about?" I inquired, shifting the conversation to her for a change.

"I'm thinking about girls," she confessed. "I mean, being into girls and all that. Growing up with just my dad around, I didn't really learn how to deal with stuff like that. And now it's like every girl I look at, I'm wondering, do I just appreciate her aesthetic pleasingness, or am I actually attracted to her?"

I rested my hand on her knee sympathetically. "You don't have to put yourself into a box, you know. Maybe you're attracted to girls and guys. Maybe just girls. Maybe you just want to know what it's like to be with a girl. It's whatever. I'll tell you one thing, it took me and -" Nope. Not telling her about Aubrey. "-me a hell of a lot of experimenting to figure anything out."

At this, Beca's eyebrows raised. "Oh? And who exactly did you do this experimenting with?"

"That's a bit personal," I said, playing coy. She knew I rarely resisted telling her things. She'd find out about my past flings soon enough.

"Uh-huh," Beca said dryly.

I grinned awkwardly in a manner only Beca could cause. "Wellllll anyway," I redirected, "I'm bisexual, but you can be anything you want to be."

Beca rested her head on my shoulder. "I know. I just need some time," she said quietly. "If I were to do some experimenting, though…"

"Say no more," I said mischievously.

Beca sat up, turned to me, and immediately pressed her lips to mine, immediately parted my lips with her tongue. _Damn. Maybe I was kind of right to wait for Beca to make the first move,_ I thought, _because her desperation is sexy as hell._ Beca's nose and mine rubbed against one another as we continued the kiss. She wrapped her arm around me, her hand finding its way to the nape of my neck and resting there. My fingers toyed with the hem of her black vest top. I had some restraint, though. After the shenanigans I'd done back in my junior year, I knew what actions were inappropriate for where we were sitting now. Slipping my hand up her shirt and finally getting to caress her perfect breasts through her bra was one of those.

However, I let Beca have her way with me. I allowed her to push me back until I was practically lying down on the porch. Her lips continued to push into me urgently, like she'd been waiting to do this for ages but had never gotten the chance. Of course, nothing about the circumstances had really changed other than Beca throwing her cares to the wind. I let her hand be the one playing with my top. Why deny her the experiences I'd gotten the chance to have? Her hand didn't get any further than tickling the skin over my hipbone before the porch light flashed on. I heard voices coming from inside.

"Shit," Beca whispered against me.


	8. Keeping the Promise

**A/N: I'm going to try to update again before next Monday (7/6) because that's when things get crazy for me. This is my only free week for the rest of the summer so I will hopefully be putting that to good use by writing. After that, I'll have to juggle this fic, my novel, and summer school O_o Imma do what I can, though.**

 **Beca's POV. Flashback section in italics.**

The first words I could hear clearly from inside were, "Ashley, what did you do?" This was quickly followed by, "Lilly bumped me, it's not my fault!" Then the porch lights flicked off again and Chloe and I were left in silence. I could feel the rapid rise and fall of her chest against me. I was strangely calm. That wasn't the right feeling for the situation.

On the other side of that door were all my best friends. I could trust them not to judge me for this, couldn't I? That was probably why I was so calm, right? They'd seen me in much more compromising positions over the past three years. But then I heard laughter, and I definitely heard both Chloe's name and mine. Ah, there was that familiar speedy heartrate. Evidently that was how I was supposed to feel whenever I was with Chloe.

Chloe nudged me off of her and I stood up. "I can't go in there," I said.

Chloe shook her head. "Neither can I. Buuuut if we stay out here they're gonna get suspicious."

I rubbed my face with my hand. "Okay then I changed my mind. I'm going in, and I'm going straight to my room." I felt waves of tension course through my body that hadn't been there moments before, and I almost physically shook because of them. As I stepped up, Chloe gently took my hand and followed behind me. I was so tempted to shake her off, but I couldn't bring myself to. We entered the house together, and separated immediately. I bolted for the stairs, and Chloe went to the living room.

I had another restless night. No surprise there. Fat Amy didn't come home until the very early hours of the morning, but I didn't even ask. I was grateful for the alone time. I drifted off around 4 a.m.

* * *

I woke up at around 5:55 (aka six hours too early) to Jessica shaking me violently. "Get up, get up get up get up!" she said in far too loud of a voice for before 9.

"Wushap'ning?" I said drowsily, wiping sleep off the corners of my eyes but making no move to actually get out of bed.

"Chloe called an emergency Bella meeting and we have five minutes before we're supposed to be there!" she exclaimed, throwing open my curtains and letting searing light shine right on my face.

"Oof," was all I could muster. I forced myself into a semi-upright position. Jessica, content that she had gotten me awake enough, was out of the room in a flash. "Wait," I called. "Where's there?"

"That park thingy," she yelled back. _The park._ At six in the morning. More than a five minute walk away. Well, it looked like the co-leader, who by the way had no previous warning that this may be happening, was going to be the last one there. Fabulous.

I put on a bra and a pair of boots, and grabbed my laptop and the new sheet music, and off I trudged. If I were Chloe, I would decidedly be running, as if there were any chance I could make it on time. I was decidedly trudging.

I arrived at the park to see Chloe's radiant face already giving directions to the Bellas. I joined her at the front. "Beca," she said cheerily. "How lovely of you to join us."

"How lovely of you to call this meeting," I replied sarcastically, earning a few snickers from the peanut gallery.

"As you all may or may not be aware," Chloe continued to the rest of the group, "we have our convention performance next week. We are not exactly sure what that entails, but what we do know is that we have to kick ass! We are going to earn our name back, and we are going to blow the audience away. Beca has some new arrangements for you all, so…let's get started!"

I handed the stack of papers to Fat Amy. "Aw, yeah!" she hollered when she saw her part. "Solo!"

We started our impromptu rehearsal with some vocal warmups, and now I could see why Chloe picked this spot for our practice. There were different acoustics here than anything we were used to. She had mentioned something the other day about not getting too dependent on the space we typically use or something like that. Here, there was no echo or reverberation of any kind, so we would really have to project to make sure everyone could hear everyone else. I commended her early morning thinking skills.

After half an hour, Chloe clapped her hands. "Good work so far, guys!" she praised them. "Grab a drink of water, and then we're going to sight read! Woooo!" 6:30, and I had still barely said a word. 6:30, and Chloe was more hyped than Jesse at the premiere of the Avengers movie. I didn't even know that was possible.

The rehearsal went on until 10:00, then Chloe called it. "All right, everyone, so we didn't get to choreography today, but that's going to be first thing tomorrow morning. That's right, we're going to be having these early morning clinics every day for the rest of the week. It'll really get the stuff ingrained in your brain and ready for performance! Additionally, we will still have our regular evening rehearsals in the gym." Cue the groans. "See you all next time!" she dismissed us with a grin.

I automatically walked over to her as she packed up her bag. "Hey," she said happily. "I have some good news for you." Without waiting to hear if I actually wanted the news, she continued, "The girls didn't see any of it last night. I talked to them after you went to bed, and they told me they had just started a blindfolded and slightly drunken version of hide and seek, so that's when they hit the light switch. We're in the clear."

I had to admit, that did make the outlook a little clearer. "So what's with the morning rehearsals?" I changed the subject. "Seems a little Aubrey-esque, hey?"

"Does it?" she said. _Shit. I forgot she was touchy about that._ "Listen, we're going to be good this weekend, and this is going to help. It's not really something Aubrey would've done, at least not back then. She was more into full day rehearsals. I'm just seeing how receptive they all are to the idea and-"

I smirked. "Chloe. Breathe."

"Okay. Fine," said Chloe.

"I think it's a good idea," I reassured her. "I know I probably didn't seem too happy about it today, but I think this is going to pay off."

* * *

And just like that, it was show time. We had practiced in the park every morning and even attracted an audience of early morning joggers and dog-walkers the last day. I was pretty confident we had our act together.

Chloe, on the other hand, the one who had done all the careful planning and had actually put forth effort into making sure we _did_ have our shit together, was an anxious mess. On the bus ride to the venue, she wouldn't stop pacing back and forth, a blue blur of warm-up suit and distressed, darting eyes. She always used to tell me about how bad Aubrey's nervous energy got before shows, and right now I think she had the bug.

After an usher led us to our dressing room, we all stood in a circle and collectively shook our jitters out. I didn't tell anyone that the exercise was mostly for Chloe's benefit. When we were all sufficiently calm, I instructed everyone to find a spot around the room to get dressed and warm themselves up vocally. Aaaand Chloe was back to pacing. There was nothing I could do about it now.

I resigned myself and plunked down on a spinny chair so Cynthia Rose could do my hair. "Stace," I called, "could you do a props check?"

"On it," she responded.

As CR pulled and tugged my hair (and scalp) tighter and tighter, I decided this would be a _great_ time to give everyone a pep talk. I didn't even really know what I was saying as I said it, but I was aware that with each yank of my hair, my volume increased, like, 20%. Eventually it was too much and I could only whimper, "Sorry, it's just these braids are so tight." I had hoped it would make Chloe laugh. It didn't.

"I don't know," she said, proceeding to list every doubt she had about everything that could go wrong in the performance. I rolled my eyes and caught her glaring at me in the mirror. _Yikes,_ I thought. I had not seen that face on Chloe in a long time.

A few minutes later, we were all prepped and ready to go. Big hair? Got it. Blindingly golden track suits? Yep. Attitude? Oh, hell yes. The same usher knocked on the door and directed us to the wings. Right as they announced our name, I saw Chloe put on her brave face, and I knew everything would be fine. I grabbed her sideways by the waist and pulled her close encouragingly, for a moment that didn't last long enough. She bit her lip when she smiled at me, looking childishly adorable.

"The Barden University Beeeellllllllllaaaas!" the host roared, and the crowd, well, didn't exactly roar back. More like they clapped politely from their little round tables. I felt like that was setting us up for something bad, but I ignored my gut. I stood tall and walked strong onto the stage with my girls.

I took my place between Chloe and Jessica, my mind buzzing. When everyone was in position, I began.

"You got me so wild, how can I ever deny?"Chloe. Why couldn't I stop thinking about her? Her elbow brushed my upper arm and the cool fabric tickled my skin.

"You got me so high, so high I cannot feel the fire."That flame red hair flashed through my line of vision.

"And you keep telling me, telling me that you'll be sweet."I don't even deserve how good she is to me, putting up with my indecisiveness.

"And you're never gonna leave my side." Going on four years as friends.

"As long as I don't break these promises." What promises had I made her?

"And they still feel all so wasted on myself." Oh. Now I remembered. Although I was still going through the motions of the choreography, my thoughts had drifted three years into the past.

* * *

 _It was the night after the ICCA semifinals, where we had gotten eliminated to a team with high schoolers on it. I had stormed out after fighting with Aubrey and Jesse, and Chloe had stayed behind, trying to defend me. She knew I needed time to cool off, but she gave me a call late that night, and we talked for upwards of an hour._

 _I was still up, working on yet another stupid mix. God, how I hated my tendency to do that sometimes. That was the one thing that had gotten me into trouble, and I still wouldn't learn. I always fell back into that when I was in a funk._

 _When I saw Chloe's name pop up on my phone, my better judgement told me not to answer it. I felt bad about yelling at her, but that wasn't the reason I nearly couldn't bring myself to talk to her. The reason was that I couldn't afford to have anyone know what I was like when I was this vulnerable. When I came to Barden, I had decided that wasn't who I was going to be. She was breaking me down._

 _I could tell she was breaking me down, because I relented and slipped my headphones down around my neck so I could answer. "Hey, Becs," she said when she heard me idly breathing on the other end. "You all right?"_

" _What do you think?" I responded. I wanted to sound flippant, but I ended up sounding grumpy._

" _Yeah, that was a stupid question." Chloe paused, then said, "Can I tell you what happened after you left?"_

 _I nodded sullenly, then realized she couldn't see me. "Go ahead."_

" _Aubrey went and gagged some in the bathroom, Jesse performed with a_ lot _of animosity, and I had to apologize to the girls."_

" _On my behalf?" I assumed._

" _No, silly, on Aubrey's. Did it look like I was sorry about what_ you _did? It was amazing, Beca. I can't believe I never got to see you do arrangements like that before. I knew everyone was fed up with Aubrey's control freak personality, so I apologized that they had to see her like that. It's not how she really is, I swear. You were just in the way of her bulldozing. You only got run over because you stood up."_

" _That was…pretty deep," I said unemotionally._

" _I try my best," Chloe disclosed. "Listen, I don't want you to get upset about this, Beca. You weren't in the wrong to sing 'Bulletproof,' and that was definitely not the reason we lost. We need a mind like yours. Please." She didn't elaborate, but I knew she meant "Please don't quit."_

" _I think you all are better off without me," I told her. Whether or not this was how I actually felt was irrelevant. I wanted to feel wanted, and Aubrey Posen was not exactly giving me that vibe. It was stupid to even try and be a part of something this year. College is stupid._

" _Don't say that," Chloe warned. "You should never, ever talk about yourself like that. You deserve the world, okay? No matter what happens, just promise me you won't forget that."_

 _I blinked._ You've got to be kidding me, Beale, _I thought. I believed my ears, though, seeing as Chloe could be a head achingly cheesy person on occasion. I humored her and replied, "Okay, I promise."_

 _We chatted – or, mostly, she chatted at me, since I wasn't in a talkative mood – for a while longer, until the moon shone high through my dorm window and lit the door through which Kimmy Jin was entering. The vow I'd made her was merely an insignificant piece of the conversation, and I forgot all about it until after we hung up._

 _But as I nodded off, all I could think about was one phrase. "You deserve the world."_

* * *

I was so overwhelmed with emotion after I replayed that scene in my mind that I hardly even noticed that Cynthia Rose was now on fire. I was just concentrating on my memories and keeping the stupid hula hoop on me the whole time that it took a second for everyone's fading voices to register in my brain. I turned around to see what the hell was going on, singing, "And they still feel all so wasted on myself." Once I realized that everyone was not, in fact, still doing the choreography, but were instead running off the stage to retrieve a fire extinguisher, I was back in the moment. "Fuck," I muttered, and even though my microphone was still on, no one could hear it over the chaos behind me.

I couldn't stand to see that horrified look on Chloe's face. It was the same one that I saw at the end of our Kennedy Center disaster. She was right about this performance, in the end. We couldn't beat Das Sound Machine at their own game – we weren't nearly big or brash enough for that. And of all the things that could've happened, we physically injured one of our members. We were sure to get some bad rap from that blunder.

 _We were so awful that we couldn't even keep our members safe._ What a dreadful thought.

Chloe obviously had the same thoughts running through her brain, because she kind of flipped out at us on the bus. I was just trying to have a normal conversation with Emily, and that ticked her off so much that she honest to God used the phrase "a big bowl of AHHH!" I felt bad that I wasn't present enough to calm her down, and she started talking about some kind of retreat, and it was all very confusing.

But all I could focus on was her body. The way she moved. The tension of her forearm muscles as she held onto the bus's grip bar. Everything about her was so…flawless. I'd never been so captivated by a single person.

Right then, although I hadn't let anyone in on it, I had made up my mind. I promised that not to forget that I deserved the world. And my world was Chloe Beale.


	9. Best Friend Forever

**A/N: Went back and changed it so the disclaimer was in the description because I didn't want to type it anymore but I felt like it had to be said. Anyway, happy Independence Day to all my Americans out there (even though there's only a few minutes left of it), and actually to everyone else in the world too because you should all be celebrating the fact that America exists!1!11! (Oh wait…they hate us! The whole world hates us!) Love you all for reading this, xoxo.**

 **Chloe's POV.**

It was a weird thing how I seemed to go right from one emotion to the next. I'd only started to notice it recently, but I had no clue how long I'd been like that. For example, I was so stressed and nervous before the performance, then I was angry and worried afterwards, and now I'm just excited and determined for our awesome little retreat. Is this how normal people experienced feelings? I had no way of knowing.

I threw myself into planning our trip. It turned out to be most convenient for us to leave just a few days before the Trebles went to perform at Lincoln Center. A quick thought flashed through my mind: _Great, so Beca won't have to miss_ Jesse _for too long._ I quickly ushered that thought away from me. _No getting selfish like that, Chloe,_ I reminded myself. Besides, I would have 48 hours of Beca all to myself. That was more than I could ask for.

The first thing I would have to do was call up Aubrey at the Lodge of Whatever it Was. I knew she'd only yell at me if I called her personal and then tried to make a reservation that way, so I undertook the laborious task of searching for it. I tried "Aubrey Posen Lodge." "Lodge in the Middle of Nowhere." "Lodge of Team Building Exercises." I finally found it, with some combination of the above. Lodge of Fallen Leaves. Oh well. I liked my names for it better.

I punched the number into my cell phone and waited for someone to pick up. Finally, I got a "Hello, I'm Paul and you've reached the Lodge of Fallen Leaves. How may I help you?" I don't know why I was disappointed that Aubrey wasn't the one to answer. She was obviously off doing bigger and yellier things than attending the front desk. I just…really needed to hear her voice.

I talked to Paul anyway and explained the situation. I made sure to mention on more than one occasion that Aubrey knew us, hoping it would get us something special. "Yes, I know, ma'am, you've said that," he said exasperatedly the last time. Well, at least he wasn't going to forget it. He wrote down the name of our group and the dates we were coming, and then we were all set! We were headed to the Lodge of…oh, I forgot already, whatever, in T minus 7 days!

I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see Beca standing behind me. "Can we talk?" she said.

"Of course," I replied, my face masked with concern. Beca hardly ever came to me first when she was having trouble. I was always the one that had to crack her shell.

She sat down beside me at the kitchen table. "Were you just planning for the retreat?" she inquired.

"Yeah, actually. We're going to a lodge resort thing in the middle of the woods for two days next week. I'm so excited!" I put on a smile for her sake, seeing her eyes dart to one side as if storing the dates in her memory. She looked apprehensive.

"Great," she said distractedly. "I'm sure the girls will…really benefit from this. Or whatever."

I wasn't expecting much to come out of this conversation. Beca wasn't good at expressing her emotions, and I didn't know what she wanted to talk about. I couldn't prompt anything out of her. I raised my eyebrows and shook my head expectantly, hoping she would get to the point.

Maybe she was going to tell me where she was all the times she wasn't here. I had suspected something out of the ordinary was going on – she was never one to go out on her own all the time, and she sure as hell wasn't studying that much. I felt pretty hurt that she wasn't telling me anything, so I really wanted some insight on that.

Beca cleared her throat and I perked up to attention. "Look, I don't know how to say this really…" She blinked slowly, and I noticed that her eyes were still covered in shimmery makeup from the show earlier. I had taken mine off at the first opportunity.

"It's okay," I assured her, but she quickly backed up her chair and stood up.

"This was a mistake," she told me. "I messed up. I'm sorry." She started walking away without another thought, but I stopped her with a hand on her shoulder right before she was out the door.

"Becs," I said seriously. "You know that's, like, exactly what I said after I kissed you, and yet look where we are now. Don't be afraid, whatever it is."

Beca turned back to me, keeping her eyes locked on mine. She looked truly distressed, a look that I hardly ever saw on her. She thought I was self-assured, but I thought the same of her. She was never afraid to speak her mind. Except now. "I…I can't stop thinking about you, Chloe," she murmured. "It's weird. I've never felt that way about anyone before. It's like every time my mind is on something, no matter what happens, my train of thought comes back to you."

I smiled gently and smoothed down her hair. She didn't brush off the gesture. "I've felt the same way about you for…longer than I can say," I told her.

"I don't want to try to stop it anymore."

My eyes widened in shock. This was definitely not where I thought the conversation was going, that's for sure. "Are you being serious right now?" I asked incredulously.

Beca nodded. "At least, I think so," she replied.

"And Jesse?" I questioned.

"Yeah, I don't really know what I'm gonna do about him yet. I love him so much, but, you know, I love you too, you stupid face." I closed my eyes to bathe in the sound of that familiar insult. "I don't want to pretend I have no feelings for you anymore."

"But the Bellas..."

"Fuck, if they don't know by now then- Well, I guess you have a point. Maybe we should hold off on announcing it to them? Just wait until after Worlds or something. I could do the same for Jesse."

I shook my head. "I don't know if that's such a good idea," I admitted.

"Listen, Chloe, I'm trying here," Beca said sharply. "You'd think after nearly four years in a relationship I would've figured something out about love, but I still feel as lost as I did my freshman year. Let's just go on this retreat and I'll try to get my mind off of things, okay?"

I sighed and nodded. It wasn't worth fighting over this. I wished I could go back to the days when not every other sentence we exchanged was exasperated and full of tension. My last hope lied in the retreat, where we'd really be able to open up to each other and find out everything there is to know.

"Thanks for understanding," said Beca. She sounded like she kind of regretted saying anything. Or she resented the way I reacted. Something like that. I hugged her quickly and let her go.

I sat back down at the kitchen table and scribbled some more details about our trip on my notepad. I even started to make a draft of a packing list. "Toilet paper," I said out loud to myself as I jotted it down on the paper. Then it started to sink in that Beca had just told me she had feelings for me. Like, in reality. It actually happened. My arms started to tingle warmly where I had hugged her. We were finally going to be together, and I only had to wait until after Worlds until I could scream it from the rooftops.

I really really needed to tell someone all of a sudden. My hands had started shaking and my heart was racing. But we'd promised not to tell the other Bellas, which ruled out Stacie and Cynthia Rose and pretty much everyone I could talk to. Except one person.

I found myself punching a number into my phone yet again, except this time it was one that was all too familiar. I quickly heard the click that signified the other line being picked up. "Over, under, over, under!" I heard a command on the other end, and I couldn't help smiling. "Hello? Aubrey Posen here," she said finally when she put the phone up to her ear.

"Bree, I have news," I said.

"Who is this?" she asked. "Chloe?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"You know you can't call me right now," she chided. "I'm in the middle of work."

"Couldn't wait," I said. "It's a code blue AND magenta."

Aubrey gasped. When I first told her about my Beca situation, we'd devised super lame code colors for the status of the operation. Blue meant she was mad at me. Magenta meant she had confessed her undying love for me. We picked those colors because they started with B and M, representing the supposed two sides of Beca Mitchell. "Is everything okay?" Aubrey said hurriedly.

"Yeah, we're fine. I think she went to go take a shower or something, we just came back from a show. She just...I don't know. There was a lot of nothing in the conversation. I don't know what to make of it."

"Oh, baby..." Aubrey said. It was days like these when I was most glad to see how much her sympathetic side had developed. I could practically feel her hugging me through the phone. God, I missed her so damn much. I let out an unflattering sob as I remembered how her arms felt around me. It had been a long time since someone felt protective of me, instead of the other way around.

"Oh no, what's wrong? Aren't you happy?" Aubrey said, hearing the tears in my voice.

"Of course I am," I said shakily. Not my most convincing, I do admit. "You know better than anyone, I haven't wanted anything more than this for the past three and a half years."

"Then why are you crying?" Aubrey exclaimed. "Chlo, I will never be able to solve the puzzle that you are."

"I just, God, I miss you, Bree."

During her silence, I could picture her face falling in the way it did, like she didn't deserve people crying over her. That was enough to make me sad in and of itself. There I went again, switching emotions. It never stopped.

"I know, honey. I miss you too. I don't know how I've lived almost three years without you there to keep me sane."

All of a sudden I couldn't stop the words from coming out of my mouth. I'd thought about it many times before, but I hadn't said it until now: "Aubrey, you would've been such a good girlfriend. I sometimes think it would've just been easier to -"

"Nuh-uh. Don't you even go there. I'm not what you want, and it took me long enough to come to terms with that. Don't you bring that back. I never want to see you pick someone because they're easier. You've fought for Beca, and now you don't have to anymore. Don't give up now. I will physically stop you, you hear me?"

I had only let more tears drip out of my eyes as she told me this. I couldn't even fathom how she'd stayed a faithful friend to me since then, even with the road bumps we'd hit our senior year. How do you do that after a rejection? Aubrey was such an amazing person. I wouldn't be here without her.

"It's so hard with her, though...," I said between sniffles. "I don't even know if I believe her when she says she wants to be with me. No one has for a long, long time. And now she's mad because I said I don't want her to lead Jesse on anymore!"

"Chloe. Chloe. Calm down. You're the top bitch of the 2015 Bellas, for God's sake. You're stronger than this." She paused. "Do you need to come see me? Can you drive up tomorrow?"

"That would be really great, Bree. I think I'll take you up on that. Wait, have you talked to someone called Paul in the past fifteen minutes?"

"No, not since this morning. Wait how do you know Paul?"

"We're coming to your lodge. The Bellas, I mean. We made the reservation today," I told her.

Aubrey gasped even more than she had the last time. "Oh my God!" she shrieked. "Sister! This is aca-awesome, you know I haven't said that in years. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I am telling you!" I said, trying to match Aubrey's volume so she could hear me over her own yelps of excitement.

"Well in that case, when you come tomorrow, you can't come to the lodge! I want it to be a surprise for all of you! We'll go to, I don't know, a hill somewhere you can't see the magic that happens at my wonderful workplace." I loved the serenity in her voice; it was something never to be found in Beca's. I almost chuckled at the fact that Aubrey though I kept _her_ sane, and yet I was the one going absolutely bonkers when we were apart while she was so…at peace.

"A hill sounds great. I'll be there by noon."

"Perfect. Don't do anything stupid before then, capiche?"

"Mkay. And also…thanks for putting up with me," I said sincerely.

"Oh, anytime," came Aubrey's nonchalant voice, like she didn't know she meant the world to me. Maybe she didn't. "Bye."

"Bye."

* * *

Aubrey had, in fact, planned a lovely picnic on a hill somewhere on the grounds of her lodge, which is where we were now. I laid down the picnic blanket in a nice grassy spot surrounded by flowers. Aubrey winced as she sat down, on account of the fact that I may or may not have hug-tackled her the moment I saw her face and made her fall on some gravel. Yeah…

Bree passed me a sandwich and I graciously accepted, lying back to see the clouds passing above. She lied back beside me and for a while we just watched the sky and made happy munching noises. "Did you make these?" I asked. "They're amazing!"

"Yeah, I've actually learned something about cooking since I left college." She laughed. I remember the good old days when the two of us would wake up and have M&Ms and vodka for breakfast and not give a damn. _Oh, God,_ I thought suddenly. _I have to learn how to cook._

"Wow," I said. "That's awesome. Maybe you could teach me some things."

"Or you could go on the internet and search for every recipe you'll ever need," she suggested. "It's seemed to work so far."

I didn't respond. I was captivated by those puffy white things in the sky. How could they possibly weigh tons and tons, and still stay in the air? This was probably something I should've learned, but if I ever did, I forgot. They were moving pretty fast today, in the mountainous breeze. It was something I'd never pay attention to in Atlanta, even if I saw it. Maybe this was part of Aubrey's new slightly more laid back personality; just being with nature all the time was pretty humbling. But who was I kidding, she was never quite going to shake the commander-in-arms style of yelling at everyone until they did what she wanted. That was what made her Aubrey.

"Is there anything you want to get off your chest?" Aubrey asked, rolling over to look at me. "Or do you just want to lie here for a while?"

I rolled to be face to face with her. That turned out to be a very bad idea, because all of a sudden I was kissing her. And that was something I definitely did not plan for happening. I was kissing Aubrey, and she was kissing me back. It was nice, it was comfortable. It felt more mature than what we used to do when we messed around. And yet now, it was one of the most wrong things I could've chosen to do.

Aubrey broke the kiss after just a few seconds. "What are you thinking?" she said. "We literally had this conversation yesterday: we are not doing this."

"I'm so sorry, it didn't mean anything I swear." _Backtracking like crazy on your impulsive actions, as usual, Beale._

"No, you can't just kiss someone you haven't kissed in _four years_ and then blow it off as nothing. This isn't random, that you're doing it now. I asked you to come here so we could talk, we could cuddle, we could eat lunch and we could watch the sky. Not so you could fall back on me. I want you to be with Beca, Chlo. I want her to have you more than I want to have you. Also, I have a boyfriend, in case you'd forgotten."

"Right. Yeah. Well, so does Beca, and that doesn't seem to stop her from playing with my heart."

"Well, as my dad always said –"

I smiled at the familiar start to her anecdotes. "Save it, Aubrey," I said. "It's okay."


	10. Rabbit Holes and Bear Traps

**A/N: It's been a while, fam. Beca's POV…retreat time**

I boarded the Bella bus for about the ten millionth time in the past four years. I couldn't help but think about how it would be over soon, but the thing was, I was kind of ready. Ready to go out into the world and start my life. Sure, I hadn't written a goddamn original song yet, but I was going to figure it out. In fact, I would be figuring it out over the next few days, but Chloe was dragging us to the middle of nowhere for seemingly no purpose.

"This is gonna be great," Chloe kept saying. "We're gonna have so much fun, and we're gonna find our sound again, I can feel it!" And I wanted to believe that, I wanted to believe it so badly. But my stomach kept tossing and turning at the prospect of spending so much time with Chloe nonstop. What I'd told Chloe a few days prior…it made my hands sweaty and my tongue dry like the moment I was there. I figured at this rate, 48 hours with her and I would probably come down with pneumonia.

Luckily, Chloe allowed Stacie to slide in behind her so they could go over the usual gossip. I kind of envied how close they'd gotten recently. I mean, it was probably a direct result of me pushing her away, like I always did. Chloe needed someone who she could grab a hold of and keep by her side. I was, well, really bad at being that person. And no matter how I tried, I couldn't effectively show her that I wanted to be.

I sat by the window, and Emily, the last person on the bus, sat down tentatively beside me. Since I had kind of snapped at her at our first rehearsal, I think she was kind of afraid of me. Chloe was a lot better with her. Obviously. Chloe was everything I wasn't. I'd been trying to make it up to Emily, and I think the fact that I actually defended her against Chloe after the riff off was a point in my favor. Maybe this would be too. "Hey. Why so late?" I joked.

"Oh," Emily said, taken aback. She hastily gathered up a bunch of papers she'd been taking out of her backpack. "Uh, I was just, you know, talking to someone. That's all." She laughed nervously.

I smirked, figuring it was probably Benji. How cute. "Of course," I said, nodding slowly. Emily's eyes bugged out like she'd done something wrong, and she immediately pulled out a pencil and scribbled some gibberish on her paper. She never stopped writing song lyrics.

"Um…," Emily said, groping for something to restart the conversation. "Is everything okay with you and Chloe?" _Really?_ I thought. _That was what you came up with?_

I scrunched up my mouth. "Yeah, why do you ask?"

"I don't know, it's just…look, everyone in the group's been fighting a lot lately, but never you two. Maybe that was just a happy accident, but you and Chloe always seemed to balance each other out. You know, you can tell me if anything happened."

I sighed. I didn't really have anyone else to confide in, but at the same time, I'd survived for a long time without having anyone to confide in. If anything, Chloe was that person. And it had taken years for that. "It's okay. There's just a lot of stuff going on. Graduation coming and all."

Emily didn't look convinced, but she dropped the subject. She went back to writing song lyrics in her notebook, which from my angle looked like some kind of heart fluttery love song. As sappy as it was, I wished I could write something like that. I wished I could write something at all. Goddammit. Instead, I did what I knew how to do. I pulled out my laptop and opened my latest mix. I was trying to get inspiration for our set for Worlds, but even more so, I was trying to get inspiration for the rest of my life.

Sooner than I expected, I felt the bus rolling to a stop. This lodge that Chloe had found us wasn't that long of a drive from Barden. My laptop was at 6% battery, and I desperately hoped there would be some outlet I could use here. We all unloaded our stuff, and I marveled at the nature all around – after, of course, making sure someone besides me knew I had to charge my laptop. I wanted to be more enchanted by the woods than I was, but I was mostly just achy from sitting so long, and cranky from being dragged away from work.

"How did you even hear about this place?" I asked Chloe.

Chloe didn't get the chance to answer before another voice cut in. "From yours truly," it said. _I recognize that voice…_ "Hello, Bellas." I located the source of the speech and my mouth gaped. It was Aubrey, in all her park ranger glory, with a rifle cocked over her shoulder.

"Aubrey!" I squealed, barreling in to hug her. I hadn't seen our former captain that many times since she graduated, and certainly not as many as Chloe, but I admit I had grown fonder of her in lieu of all the clashing we had done that years. She was a pretty cool person. She'd never once mentioned this place before, though, which was odd.

Chloe's arms quickly enveloped the two of us, and soon enough all the others were surrounding us in a giant group hug. I felt like I was being suffocated by girly Bella acapella love.

After some general pleasantries, "how have you been"s and "oh you must be Emily"s, Aubrey was yelling at us already. "Fall in line, Bellas!" she ordered, and I literally jumped and followed her instructions. She explained the plan for our stay: we would not be out of each other's sight for the next 48 hours. We would be eating, sleeping, breathing, and singing together, and also completing some death-defying team building exercises! She made it sound a lot more fun than the words actually made it out to be.

I was in for a long two days.

* * *

Aubrey showed us to our campsite that night. "Here you are, girls," she said. She motioned for Flo, who'd been carrying the folded up tent, to set the bag down on the ground. "If you want to sleep in any kind of shelter tonight, you'll have to prepare it yourself. I'll see you bright and early tomorrow morning at my wake up call." She smiled cheerily, and when she saw no one had any questions, she turned and retraced her steps back to the main lodge.

"Well, let's get to it," Chloe said when no one made the first move to pitch the tent. She unzipped the bag and unloaded its contents. Cynthia-Rose and Ashley bent down to help her. I exhaled loudly and stretched my arms behind my back. This all seemed pretty pointless so far. But I didn't want to seem like an uncooperative co-captain, so when Chloe glared at me not to be the last one helping, I lent a hand.

"There are no instructions," Stacie said, shaking the empty tent bag. "How are we supposed to build this without instructions?"

CR cracked her knuckles and stepped forward. "I got this, guys. Me and my girlfriend go camping every month." She swiftly set up the frame of the tent, and we clumsily helped her throw the massive cover over it. We stood back and admired our handiwork. I couldn't have been the only one thinking that it looked a little…rickety. But people starting crawling inside, and I decided it would have to do.

The arrangement we picked was one where all our heads were lined up in the center of the tent, alternating directions. Chloe saved a spot for me right next to but upside down from her. I didn't know where to put my bag, and I still hadn't found a place to charge my laptop. I ended up using my duffel bag as a footrest, and I cautiously lied back in my space of about five square feet so as not to smush Lilly.

I rolled over to face Chloe, and immediately the girls around me usurped the extra side to side space I'd given up. I feared I would be stuck in that position for the rest of the night, but when Amy exited the tent to use the bathroom, the girls scooted back in that direction. "What are we doing?" I whispered sharply to Chloe.

"We're bonding. You seem so tense, do you need a backrub?" Chloe whispered back. Her face was close to mine. Too close. I was resisting so much temptation.

"Several body parts are rubbing my back right now," I informed her seriously.

"You know, Beca, the two of us are very close, but I think this retreat will let us discover everything about each other." Chloe smiled gently and sleepily.

"Is that so?" I asked.

Chloe nodded. "You know, one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't do enough experimenting in college."

Jesus, what was she saying? I tried to hold back my nervous lip quiver. I knew full well that Chloe had done her fair share of experimenting before I came to Barden. More than that, and it wasn't really experimenting anymore. It dawned on me, a little late but better than never, that she was hinting at the fact that she wanted to experiment…with me. And of course, since the other girls didn't know about all the stuff we'd been through recently, she had to phrase it like that.

It didn't come as a surprise to me, and nor should it have. But just…why now? My heart was still smarting from having told Chloe how I felt about her. The way Chloe was acting, it was like she thought this was moving too slow, but she was wrong. This was all moving far too fast for comfort. There was her, there was Jesse, there was the Bellas, there was work…it felt like I was falling down an endless hole like Alice in Wonderland, but there was no glimpse of Wonderland on the other side. There was just more and more falling.

 _Why do you keep thinking about kissing her?_ I asked myself. _Her lips are, like, above your head, at this angle. That's not even natural. Stop looking at them. Stop looking at her lips, goddammit. Not now._

And I still hadn't come up with a response.

"You're so weird," I told Chloe.

She grinned. "Thanks." I promptly rolled to the other side.

Although I was mostly focused then on the warm wetness that was Lilly's tongue on my nose, I still felt the tingle of Chloe's breath on the nape of my neck. _For goodness sake, Chlo,_ I thought, _can't you just roll over too?_ The little wispy hairs on my neck stood up electrically, and I could feel every single one of them. I could've sworn Chloe's soft, warm lips were brushing them, and I squeezed my eyes shut to try and block it out.

Fat Amy called into the tent that her "pipes" were a bit blocked, and could we sing something for her? _No, no no no,_ I begged silently. But Chloe jumped in right away with a rendition of "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia, which I was embarrassed to even know the name of. And when Chloe finally flipped onto her back, I breathed a sigh of relief, which was quickly cut off by her singing the line "lying naked on the floor." Why was I picturing Chloe lying there naked beside me? That was uncalled for.

I let the sweet voices fade away through my hands, which were covering my ears, and I allowed sleep to carry me out. Darkness, darkness, always falling. Always, always falling harder and harder…for Chloe?

The day was too long and too sweaty. The team building exercises were more extreme than I expected, as only Aubrey Posen could pull off. Everyone seemed to gain a little more self-confidence with everyone obstacle they conquered. Except me. I couldn't even pretend to have been enjoying it. I was worried about everything that was impending on my life, and it was consuming me.

At the end of our so-called "back to basics" medley, we were all exhausted, and I was at the end of my rope. I was so fed up with the way this trip had played out, and I had to let it all out. I found myself ranting at Chloe at the top of my lungs without even knowing what I was saying. _I'm so tired!_ I wanted to scream. _I'm so tired of everything that I'm being dealt right now and I'm not even trying to yell at you, Chloe, but I can't deal with you and all your beauty either! I can't do this, I can't do this…I just…I can't._ But that wasn't what was coming out.

"Just tell her, Beca," I heard Amy say behind me. She was the only one of the girls who hadn't backed off to let things play out. I was grateful to have her for backup, but I still froze. Was she telling me to confess my love for Chloe? How did she know about that?

But no. She was talking about the internship. I'd forgotten Chloe didn't know about that. I heard Chloe choke back a sob as she said, "I heard that. Tell me what?"

Amy tried to cover it up, but I shook my head. It was time. "Fine, I have an internship at a legit record company, God forbid I have anything going on outside this group!" I said exasperatedly.

"Okay?" Chloe said, throwing up her hands. "Why wouldn't you tell me about this?"

We exchanged some more heated words, and I felt bad for every single thing I said, but I couldn't stop the words for coming out. _Get out, Beca, get out._ I listened to my gut and I started walking backwards, towards whatever direction was away from this scene.

"Aaah!" I screamed, suddenly swept off my feet. Rope cut into the bare skin of my legs and arms. "Oh my God, I'm dying, I'm dying. This is my karma for yelling at Chloe, I know it," I muttered, not loud enough for any of the assembling Bellas to hear me.

"Well, look who needs our help," Chloe said contemptuously.

"Not cool, guys," I shouted down.

"No, you know what's not cool is taking out your frustration on us!" Chloe responded. I could see Aubrey standing by looking pleased at us getting the chance to apply our team building skills in a real situation. I was not as pleased with this turn of events, especially with the few inches the stupid bear trap was dropping every time I moved a muscle.

I apologized to them, of course, because what else are you supposed to do when you're DYING? They showed their acceptance of my apology by gathering under the net to give me a soft landing, when all of a sudden I was freefalling straight at Amy. I landed hard on the ground, the wind knocked out of me. I was alive, and staring straight up at Lilly, holding a knife, and hanging upside down on the rope that had been suspending me. I couldn't quite wrap my mind around what happened, and I also couldn't hear Lilly's explanation from down here. I took a minute to catch my breath before standing up and rejoining the group.

Later that evening, we had a campfire. Aubrey struck me as the kind of person who cherished simple pleasures like campfires, when she was in one of her more peaceful moods. I had noticed, while we'd been here, that Aubrey had two main functions: one, the more common, barking orders and making people fear for their lives; and two, a rare gem, in which she had the most lulling voice I'd ever heard, and she talked about nature and teamwork and her beloved Lodge of Fallen Leaves. I wished I had some kind of peace like that, and I guess this fire helped me find it.

I told everyone how hard it was for me to admit to them where I'd been sneaking off to all this time. It didn't really make sense, but I tended to compartmentalize my life like that. There wasn't anyone who was in on everything, not even Jesse. They were pretty understanding about it all, considering I'd betrayed them big time. I knew where my priorities had to lie from now on, though, and that was winning Worlds – that is, after I produced a song with Emily.

Since we were all seniors, except for Em, we went around the circle telling everyone what plans we had for after graduation. Flo was going back to Guatemala, most likely. CR was going to get married, which gave us all something grand to look forward to. Lilly was going to do something unintelligible which I later found out was traveling through time. How…adventurous.

And then Chloe spoke. She was the one I wanted to hear from most. "I know it doesn't seem like it," she said tentatively, "but I'm afraid too. To leave, to move on…it's scary."

Aubrey took Chloe's hands in her own. While Aubrey was explaining to her that she didn't have to be scared, and that she never expected to end up where she was now, I thought I detected a hint of something more than amiable friendship in Chloe's eyes. Could it be? But I pushed the thought away. I couldn't believe I was getting jealous of who Chloe was paying attention to. That was just…wrong. Wasn't it?

Whatever Aubrey had said to Chloe had worked, though, because Chloe then stood up and announced that she would be graduating this year, alongside the rest of the senior Bellas. Alongside me. She went on to tell us her career plans, which included teaching underprivileged children how to sing (she would be absolutely perfect for that job), or dancing exotically (again, perfect). That made me smile. It was so Chloe to say that. Something triggered a chain reaction of people saying they were going to miss times like this, and then…

"I got my ticket for the long way round," Chloe sang slowly. Our eyes met, and I smiled, feeling bittersweet. My audition song for the Bellas my freshman year. It was one of the first few dominoes in how I became so close to Chloe, and I would never forget that.

"Two bottles of whiskey for the way," I joined in.

"And I sure would like some sweet company, and I'm leaving tomorrow, what do you say? When I'm gone, when I'm gone, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone. You're gonna miss me by my hair, you're gonna miss me everywhere, oh, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone."


	11. It's So Beautiful

**A/N: So this took almost a month longer than expected. Summer school is over now, and I'm ready to get back into writing to the extent that I can. This fic is not over! Don't lose hope 3 Have some Chloe, and ily guys :-)**

"Beca," I whispered softly.

"Hm?" she responded.

We were lying in the bed of my cousin's neighbors' best friend's pickup truck in the middle of nowhere, looking up at the stars. Beca had been complaining about feeling too cooped up after coming back from the retreat, and even though we had very, very little time to spare whilst preparing for Worlds, I decided I could swing a break for her. In fact, she was probably the only person that could convince me to take a break nowadays.

I rolled over on my side, taking in the sound of the crickets around us and that of the rowdy group of guys who'd driven us here drinking beer around the campfire. The air smelled fresh but smoky, and it was a little chilly for the time of year. I noticed Beca pull her flannel shirt tighter around her, the hairs on her arms standing up. I promptly scooched closer to her, partly to make her warm, and partly so I could turn my attention to the stars in her eyes.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked her, nuzzling up against her neck.

"How right it feels to be here with you right now," she replied immediately. I felt a rush of warmth spread through me. "And how lucky I am to have a friend like you."

"Friend," I repeated numbly. "Right."

"Oh, shut up, Chloe, you know where things stand with you," she said teasingly. "My tongue has literally been inside your mouth. You _know_ you're not just my friend."

I watched with precision each time she blinked, her eyes still trained on the vast constellations illuminating the dark sky. Her eyelashes were so long and perfectly shaped, fluttering drowsily to follow up every other movement. _Wow, Chlo,_ I found myself thinking. _Never knew you could be so goddamn attracted to someone that you're even in love with their eyelashes, huh?_

"The thing is, though," I dared to say, "I'm not sure I do know."

"What?" Beca said, perplexed.

"I'm not sure…that you do think of us as more than friends," I continued, choosing my words carefully. "Like, I don't know how you are with friends, Becs. I know how you are with me, of course. But you don't really have relationships with anyone else that I can compare that to."

"Excuse me?" said Beca. "I'm friends with Amy. I'm friends with Cynthia Rose. I'm friends with, like, all the Bellas. What are you trying to say here?"

I let out a long sigh. "Yeah, okay, there's them," I admitted. "But you've even been different around the girls lately. Since you got your job, you've been putting me aside _exactly_ the way that you've done with them. So how can you say it's something more? How am I supposed to get that out of the way you've been treating me?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Chloe. Calm down for a minute, please. You know full well that I haven't had much time for anyone since I started work, Jesse included. I thought you were done blaming me for that. I got into a rut of spending very little time with any of the girls, so that even the little percent more affection I tried to show you evidently didn't carry any weight. Those sidelong glances? You being the last one I say goodnight to? I was trying. I was trying so hard."

"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't realize."

"No," Beca agreed. "I see that now." She fell silent, and I watched her chest rise and fall to the rhythm of the kiddy campfire song that was now being sung about 15 yards away.

"I'm close to Jesse," Beca added. "You can compare it to that."

"You do know you two are dating, right?" I joked. "That doesn't count."

Beca considered this before finally saying, "Isn't that what you're looking for, though? I treat Jesse like he's more than a friend. And I feel like I probably do it the same for you."

I let my mind drift back to all the fleeting times we'd spent together in the past few months. She was a big fan of barreling into me for hugs. I would always see her literally jump onto Jesse when she saw him, and maybe she would do the same for me if the force wouldn't knock me over. She had that same cheeky grin spread from cheek to cheek when she was messing with me, just like she did with Jesse's banter. She didn't do that with anyone else.

I thought Beca had been the one missing the signs, but maybe I was all wrong. Maybe it was me.

Just as I was about to deliver a heartfelt reply, I was cut off. "Chloe?" came the voice of my cousin's neighbor's best friend.

"Yeah?" I called back. I heard his heavy booted footsteps approaching the truck, and Beca automatically scooted away from me.

"I brought you guys some beer. I didn't know what you liked, so I just brought six assorted ones. Hopefully at least one of them will do."

I accepted the bottles one by one, setting them down in a row along the edge of the truck bed. "I'm not too picky about drinks, as it is," I told him, "so – oh my God! Beca! This is my jiggle juice!" I picked up the last bottle and shook it in her face, barely able to contain myself.

Beca snorted. "You loser," she said seriously, but a grin peeped out after about 0.038 seconds. "I remember those days…"

The guy started to walk away, stepping high backwards through the nettle patch so he could stay facing us. "Well, I guess I'll C you later," he said, making a C with his hand. "Get it, 'cause your name starts with a C?" He laughed in his boyish way that I'd been hearing over everything for the past half hour.

"Ha ha!" I tried. "I do get it! I'll C you later, too," I said, mimicking his hand shape, even though I still had no idea what his name was. He winked flirtatiously and I smiled at him, but rolled my eyes once I ducked back out of his view.

"Why do you let all the guys hit on you so openly like that?" Beca questioned cynically. "You know you're too good for all of them."

I laughed a little, cracking open my special bottle. "You assume I know all these things, Beca. It's nice to hear you just tell them to me sometimes." She reached out her hand and I slid the next closest beer to her across the floor.

"Okay," said Beca. "You're too good for all of them. So why let them look at you like you're their next one night stand?"

I shrugged, lying back down beside her, even closer than before. "I don't know. I never really thought twice about it. It just made me feel attractive, and I like that. And…even more so now, because I can't get to the person I want the most."

Beca was now the one to roll over, so we were face to face. "What if I let you?" she breathed, the air from her mouth heating a small spot of my cold nose. "What if…I…made you feel attractive?"

I gave a tiny intake of breath, my lungs practically collapsing in on themselves. "You mean…?"

"Chloe," Beca said, suddenly sounding alarmed. "I really, really want to kiss you right now. But only drama and bad things have come out of it every single other time that's happened. What do I do?"

My hand had somehow found its way to the dip of her waist, and my thumb rubbed back and forth. I watched her eyes. Blink blink. Those eyelashes were irresistible and alluring. "Kiss me, Beca. Please. No one's watching, and they won't be back over here for at least an hour. I don't want to hide this anymore."

And so, without any further hesitation, Beca popped her lips and leaned in towards me before I could bat an eye. And made contact with my forehead. "Oh, fuck," she muttered, wiggling herself a teensy bit further down the truck bed.

"There you go," I said, my tongue peeking out eagerly between my teeth.

Beca leaned in again, and just before we touched, I could've sworn I heard her say, "Oh, come here, you." My core started to tingle at the thought of where that could lead.

I was going to let Beca do the work, I decided. I was the one who had originally pushed this on her, wasn't I? So I wanted her to show me how much she actually wanted it. I wanted her to make me feel attractive.

Beca parted my lips with her tongue tentatively, and I let her take her time exploring. She seemed a little lost, which confused me, seeing as we'd kissed like this, what was it, three times now? Four? I'd lost count. She quickly regained her bearings though, and even dared to let her hand roam up my side. I thrust my chest toward her, beckoning her to continue her trail.

I put my hand on the side of her face, intensifying the kiss. I whimpered when her fingers finally creeped their way onto my breast, hastily finding and concentrating around my erect nipple. It was kind of embarrassing how easily it showed through the thin fabric of my shirt and bra, and I cursed the cold weather. _It'll be getting hotter in her soon, Chloe, just you wait,_ the naughty voice in my head said.

"Oh, shut up," I retorted to myself, breaking the kiss just so I could talk to myself. Great. What the hell kind of move was that?

"What?" Beca asked, not for the first time that night.

"Oh, nothing," I said breezily. I forced my mouth back onto hers, pressing in greedily. Beca was always one to match my level, which I sincerely appreciated. Sometimes she even surpassed my level, in this case with irregular nips to my lower lip, making me push against her even more.

Beca's left hand was not only cupping my breast through my shirt anymore, oh no. She was full on grabbing it, squeezing it, just as needy as she was kissing. Oh, God. Oh, Jesus. I couldn't even form a coherent thought right now, but that wasn't even purely from the arousal of the situation. It was because I had waited so long for this to happen, and it was making me happier than I could've imagined. I didn't know how far we would go tonight, but I knew it would be further than we'd ever gone before.

I allowed my hand to slide up Beca's back, then back down again a bit under the back of her shirt. I felt Beca's breath hitch as I grazed my fingertips lightly over her cool skin. She took my action as a cue to move her own hand up under the hem of my shirt and up, up, back to where it had just been. But on the inside. The heat between my thighs was growing stronger. I wanted her so bad.

I pulled away from her lips again for a second, just to say, "Our first time is _not_ going to be in the back of a pickup truck." Just so I had it on the record. This was really erotic, sure, but it wasn't completely ideal. I wanted to make love to Beca in a place that I could do it over and over again. I couldn't believe the dirty thoughts my brain was happening. _Gal pals,_ I thought to myself. _Don't screw up. Gal pals._ Except, kind of not.

Beca laughed. "Hold your horses, Beale, I'm still trying to get through the kissing." I was thankful the darkness hid my crimson blush.

My left elbow was getting tired of holding me up, so I pushed Beca hard onto the metal bed of the truck. I hiked up her plaid shirt around her waist and moved to kiss up her flat abdomen.

"Oh, God, Chloe," Beca said suddenly, stopping me in my tracks. "It's so beautiful." I realized that her eyes were on the natural sky above us, which extended all the way to the treeline we were immersed in. "It's so beautiful," she repeated, "and I'd give it all away just for one more look at you."


End file.
